Stuart Miller-Osborne

I have just received an official notification That I will have to marry Sabrina Or the authorities will close my eight yard railway Sabrina thinks the ultimatum is unfair But is attracted by the Inland F grant Which will enable me to extend My eight yard railway to Finland

Of late I felt Very Lowe Who used to like my attention But although I am a Number 8 I feel that I am identifying As a Number 7 And on very bad days a Number 13 My GP had diagnosed depression And has prescribed a course Of brittle tar pills and local honey My…

Was one of the most decorated snipers From the last war With 888 confirmed kills At present I am reading her autobiography He No Longer Shares My Air This was a present from Sabrina What did surprise me was that The Bride on the Blue Train Once tried to commit suicide But her bullet missed…

My town has the shortest known railway In the world It is only eight yards long Which is about the size Of my back garden Sabrina and I often watch trains From the Bride on the Blue Train

Are a Post Punk band From Greater Manchester They are also known as The Two Ladies Their first album Red River Delta Was the fastest selling debut album in 1982 This was followed by Water Puppets in 1983 Which achieved an even greater success After a hiatus of eight years the sisters released Southward Expansion…

Mrs Hegginbottom You have a lovely daughter That is Frieda my Manx Cat You will know her as a storyteller She has many tales to share

I saw a woman commit suicide today I say I saw the incident But that is untrue As I looked the other way At the moment of impact I just heard the suicide I cannot undo that fact But I did not see her death Before anybody realised What had happened I left the railway…

I own two wooden chairs Two ordinary wooden chairs On occasions I sit on the beach And wait for the incoming tide To bury these my possessions I have been alone since Maureen And have slowly developed An emotional vacancy This said I am sheltering A homeless girl in my apartment The girl is mute…

I have had just had your likeness Tattooed on my arse Something something That the pain will pass

I was feeling quite miserable Here in X Toulouse So I purchased a pink coffee And plenty of booze Lou