Stuart Miller-Osborne

Silly Toy Silly Boy Je m’appelle Silly Boy Pourquoi parlez-vous espagnol Silly Toy Je m’appelle Silly Boy What is your middle name Lucy Lucy No your middle name Are you thick you silly cow No my teacher says that I am pretty lithe With a peachy backside What is your middle name Lucy Cunt I…

The books that I stole From Norman John Smith were The Locomotives of the South Eastern Railway Which were published in 1961 and 1963 This confuses my common law wife As these are the only books on my shelf I tell her that I have my reasons And I would be grateful if she freshens…

My neighbour died last year I did not know him very well But his passing saddened me I had the misfortune To discover his body In the rear orchard He was an avid railway enthusiast And before I called an ambulance I stole two of his vintage books

Tends to walk around in one of my tee shirts and very little else even when we have guests she has many endearing habits such as saying cheerio instead of good night her bedroom is called bedfordshire after the county of her birth she has never told me her real name and that is why…

Her head is full of ships She would dearly like To buy the sea But cannot afford The asking price

Jimmy Beth Why do you never call me When I am having an orgasm Well I figure that you are busy And I am normally With our most important clients At this time of the year

To celebrate the publication Of my first successful novel I purchased a nice house Halfway along Chesterfield Avenue My sister and I lived there For a number of years In total ignorance Of what happened in the park We frequently entertained friends Under the low leafy trees Or had picnics near the boating lake It…

There was a knock at the door Cum in But be gentle with me Oh Silly Sister What a horrible surprise How are ewe I am not a fucking sheep If you call me that again Your Life Support goes off That again I wondered what it was I thought it was a disco machine…

I made a cup of coffee Using iced pink milk It was well received By Annette an Jill Who I had known for many years

As part of my early life I travelled a great deal I often travelled without my pen So I had to memorise Many of my imagined lines I was frequently helped By the generosity of others Who furnished me with all The items of my requirement And then I became totally lost After being washed…