Hi Joe

Wright

Who was that gorgeous girl you were with

Sephine

Janice thought that she was very beautiful

We are good friends

Nuffsaidmate

I thought that you would like this

Janice starts planning for Chrimbo

Usually in June

There I am enjoying the tits on the beach

And I am being asked if Peter Junior

Would like a African Civil War game

I point to my eyes and ask

If I have a I give a fuck look on my face again

This happens just as Janice feeds my sandwiches to the gulls

I know the feeling mate

Yesterday in exchange for a shag I travelled to the Amazon

I did not know that you liked seabirds

Confused.com mate

It was horrible

They seem to breed faster than Big Issue Sellers

You would not believe the number of toys

When I was a kid it was all fucking Tressy Dolls

I remember them

I think the marketing was that her hair grows

Janice still has one along with her weapons of mass destruction

You know that is a fucking lie

I have a Tressy on my bedside cabinet

And I look at it every morning

I know where you are coming from mate

They do not sell the 1970s Tressy dolls anymore

There were too successful

Explain

Well if you wanted a Guinea Pig

But you were not allowed one

Then you nicked your sisters doll and just watched it turn into a Guinea Pig

Rather like the actress in Last Tango

I always thought Janice had a bush

Too much information mate

I am into weaving

Nuff said

Anyway there we were going through the Amazon looking for ideas

When a small chap walked by grunting

He was not that pleasant to look at and made offensive noises

I asked him why

He did not understand English

Was he from Dover

No he just mumbled something about being a pygmy

There was also a doll created in the likeness of Jane Goodall

She is a world expert on Chimps

I respect her work

I agree but whichever sweat shop made this doll made two glaring mistakes

Firstly Jane is presented at being an extra from Baywatch wearing colonial gear which does not exactly do wonders for those idiots who interpret history after reading the Guardian

Secondly the doll was accompanied by a primate

Methinks that somebody is taking the piss

A question Joe

Why do they call the missionary position the missionary position

Explain

Well I always thought the missionary position was a guy on top of a girl

Instead of her getting it up the arse like a dog

I agree it was introduced by the missionaries as they thought the doggy position was not very nice

If you miss

I get your drift mate

Well my understanding of the missionary position was standing in a tub on pretty hot water over a camp fire with an onion in your gob

Janice liked the dolls in the wheelchairs which came with a free ramp

They have their place

Yes on the sixth floor

But there is one error as all you get is a Barbie who looks like an extra from Baywatch in a pink wheelchair with a free yellow ramp

It gives the child a rather odd perspective on life as most of these poor children are not that nice to look at and think that they are a new species of apple

Joe

Yes

They also make black ones

Really

Yes they look like Brillo pads on wheels

But still retain the svelte figure of a Baywatch extra

It is not very lifelike Joe

Are there any other dolls apart from the Baywatch White and the Baywatch Black

Come to think of it that is all there was

Baywatch White and the Baywatch Black

That says a lot

It really says a lot

How would you feel in you were Japanese

I would stand on a box

When we were kids all we had

Were Sindy Dolls and Last Tango Tressy’s

Speak for yourself mate

I preferred Action Man

Really I never liked Action Man

Why

Too violent

His views although correct were quite were one sided

What do you mean

Well a nice decent chap with a machine gun

Kills all those with darker skins

You are taking the piss

I know

What do you notice about me

You are a babe magnet

Apart from that

You are tall

Yes

And you are hung like a horse

Bruv what is seen in the locker room stays in the locker room

Anything else

Well you look kind of Spanish

So does your gorgeous sister

Landing strip

Yes

We retain her colouring

My dad was from Wales and owned a bar

They originally called me Blossom Wright

But I have dropped my second name



Silly Boy