Sally and I enjoy our summers

But our fun is diluted by Rufus

Who is Rufus

The cat next door

It belongs to Betty and Phil

A cat so thick that if often forgets to eat

So to help him to remember

We purchased an all singing all dancing cat feeder

Which lit up when it was time for Rufus to eat

All the colours of the rainbow disco flashed

It could be seen from the fucking moon

Another feature was It played hard techno

From all of its many speakers

How did it go

Did Betty and Phil enjoy their holiday

It did not go well

Why

I forgot to put a battery in

And the fucking cat starved to death

Shit happens mate

Shit happens

Betty and Phil were pissed with me

And would not accept a stuffed

Spanish Donkey

As a way of saying sorry

My hamster Percy is now receiving

Death threats from the Cats Protection League