Sham

May I call you

Sham Lee Green

Everybody else does

In your Memoirs of a Paperboy

You say that you once saw

Plain Jane Sane

Quite naked

That is true

It is not another of your wet dreams

No

Far from it

Tell me about

Plane Jane Spain

She was a bitch

An absolute bitch to me

Why

I think she was jealous of my intellect

But you are thick

She used to spread rumours about me

What kind of rumours

That I had a tiny dick

How did she know that

My sister told her

Sister

Annabella

She is all heart

If you get my point

This made me feel very uneasy

As even the teachers

Began to call me Little Richard

Pour Ewe

But I had my revenge

Another lawn

No just a church path

I tended to cut through the church

To shorten my paper round

Her father like mine was a vicar

And her bedroom overlooked

Some of the early nineteenth century graves

It was whilst I was studying the grave

Of Captain Richard Owen Squires

She was killed during the Indian Mutiny

How did you know that

Mummy told me

How did her mummy know that

Her mummy told her

And I expect that her mummy told her as well

Right in one

So you saw her quite naked

Yes right down to her freckled arse

Did you tell her

Very much

I wanted the bitch to suffer

What did you do

I left the garden gate open

She did not believe me at first

And threatened to tell her father

That I was wanking behind the graves again

I then pulled out my ace card

That being that I knew

That she had a likeness of the headmaster

Just above her ample bush

Was she hairy

Not really I just like the word ample

Did it work

Very much

She burst into tears

And promised to be nice to me

For ever and ever

Did she keep her word

Yes I married her

On her twenty fifth birthday

We have been happy ever since

It was a match made in Hell

I thought your were happy

We are blissfully

Hell

That is easy

We were married in Norway



Silly Boy