Hello Dr Smith

I am well Axel

You have been a bit of a stranger

I am living a worthy lifestyle

Then how may I help you

I think that I am going blind

Blind

Yes

Are you still living at number eight

At present yes but I am planning to move

Are you still living opposite

The daughters of Mr Hertzog

Yes

Really

The family moved back to the US some months ago

But I have seen the sisters around the village

Mr and Mrs Hertzog moved

But Nina and Noni have stayed in Great Barton

This is I am afraid a delicate question

Go ahead

Do the sisters still sunbathe in their garden

What garden

The garden that you overlook

I am not sure

Do they still sunbathe on hot days

I would imagine so

Do you watch them

Not that I can recall

Why should I want to to watch them

Because they sunbathe topless

I think that might be the root of your problem Axel

Is that what is causing my blindness

Possibly

Here is a prescription

I cannot read your writing

It is a subscription to enable you

To watch each game during the rugby tournament

The Women’s World Cup

Yes

I have seen clips on the news

It is horrific

These are not women

Just men with silly hairstyles

The next time you see the Hertzog sisters

Sunbathing topless in their garden

Then take a cold shower and watch at least two matches

Especially if they involve players from the dusky countries

Your eyesight will improve in weeks

But I will pine for their firm lithe bodies

You will have to pine Axel

If you lose your sight then you will see little

It is a cross that you will have to carry

If your eyes get used to the punishment

Of the Women’s World Cup

Then your sight will return

You will be able to look up my receptionists skirt

Without guilt

I often do this to pass the time

Summer is my favourite season

The gossamer cotton dresses without underwear

I used to be like you with failing eyesight

And I spent a fortune on tissues

NHS

Obviously

I may look like a cunt and act like a cunt

But I am not a cunt

Are you watching the Women’s World Cup 

No far from it

It is a dangerous pastime

Created by those who wish to do harm

I can only think of one sport

And I despair on calling it a sport

That is worse

What might that be Dr Smith

Boxing

I cannot think for the life of me

Why somebody thought this was a good idea

I like seeing ugly women fight

So do I but that is a different conversation Axel