Most people think that I am a slacker

Except my girlfriend Naomi Smith

Who always sees the good side of me

She is the only daughter of the Rev Smith

The truth is that I am a very angry person

Who hates authority with a vengeance

This said I do keep it bottled tightly at all times

Naomi deserves a kind and gentle boyfriend

Who is an expert on tombola machines

I have also written a charity leaflet for the church

How to Run a Successful Tombola Stall

It is essentially an ideas sheet although in Latin

Which has confused some of the ladies of the WI

Naomi has told me that she wants to holiday with me

She has booked a Christian Bed and Breakfast

Which is in the middle of Great Yarmouth

I really want to hold her naked in my arms

But know that I will be lucky to get a kiss

This said I respect her and want her to be happy

My frustrated lust is really of very little importance

This said I still want to hurt those who anger me

My mother who knows me well

Says that I am like a metronome

And that I should be careful

As I have the capacity to injure people

Both physically and mentally

Sometimes I think that these are God’s words