Dear Mummy

I have just started shooting my Greek movie

On an island so beautiful that it remains nameless

I play Cindy the younger of two sisters

Who is a vain socialite although a good Catholic girl

They have rented out a dreamy villa with essential views

My sister Rachel is the plainer of the two characters

And not as liberated as I pretend to be

The only trouble is that I have a naked scene

Which I am told is essential to the plot

(this movie is so fucking languid as not to have a plot)

(sorry for the French mummy but you get my point)

In short your beautiful daughter is sunbathing naked

When she decides to pour herself a cool drink

(Comedy Alert)

Rachel has prepared a selection of sandwiches

Which Cindy finds a little puzzling at first

But she soon finds out why they are there

When Rachel’s fiancé and his mum and dad

Walk into the beautiful stone kitchen

There is a sense of awkwardness which Cindy is oblivious to

And to make things worse Uncle Malcolm who is Simon’s father

Begins eating the cheese and cress sandwiches without thought

He compliments my suitably suicidal sister with the compliment

I cannot believe that it is not butter

My agent has said that my bum is pure box office

And that the scene was written especially for me

As I played Saint Teresa of Avila in my last movie

I know that Pope Leo liked this movie very much

But I am not sure if I will receive an invite to the Vatican

After my current movie is released later this year



Till Then

Julie Bee Benjamin xxx

PS – send my love to all at the Lord Byron

PPS – I am hoping to be in England when April arrives