It was not uncommon to find Jane

Sunbathing topless in our secluded garden

It was a relaxing and natural occupation

Normally if the doorbell rang

My wife would grab a loose shirt

And then answer the door

It was a tested and reliable formula

But on this occasion it failed

As Jane was listening to lazy jazz

She did not hear the softly spoken doorbell

I had previously asked a workman to pop around

And look at our winter damaged fence

This he did and on not getting an answer

Risked our rhododendrons and daisy swarms

And came face to face with my topless wife

Who although a little surprised just said hello

My solitary request was explained in some detail

Jane then got up and walked towards the roses

The workman who was slowly regaining his composure

Was helped when my wife apologised for her nakedness

It is okay I am a man of the world was his shaded reply

This absurd theatre lasted only a few minutes

An estimate was promised and the workman soon left

During the next few hours Jane slowly considered

How best to inflict the maximum pain upon my person