I hope that God appoints me as the next Jesus Christ

Or at least in a senior supporting role

As I am a good man

Who is full of compassion for others

To tell you the truth I am beginning to tire of being a Samaritan

It is full of calls from people who are threatening to destroy themselves

I just feel like telling them to get a grip as there are people far worse off

But I do not and just listen to them drone on and on and on

Railway stations are another pet hate as there is always someone there

Acting oddly at the end of the platform but this because they are tripping or the like

I would actually like to meet a real jumper just to see if they will carry out their threat

Sometimes I feel like jumping off the platform with them or swigging bleach

You see I am not cut out for this kind off shit and never have been

I would prefer to be a spiritual adviser to those already in God’s light

And not the wastrels who always see the pain and darkness in everything

They bore me as if they just open their eyes then God is there for them

There is always hope I tell them and this hope never fades just open your eyes

Do I believe in all this shit I suppose I do but sometimes my patience is stretched

Only recently I had this chap on the other end of a phone weeping like a child

His wife had left him for a successful man and because of this his business had failed

He was now a bankrupt and at the bottom of the pile so I told him to make choice

Find another woman there are plenty around maybe a little rough but still quite acceptable

Fuck owing people money in a country that is already morally without hope

Screw the fuckers before they screw you and take no prisoners

This was slight mistake on my behalf as he killed his ex the following day

And murdered three other people including the successful businessman

During a wild rampage in a small Surrey town

He then blew his own brains out in the local Burger King

I kept quiet about that one although I knew God was cross with me

He suspended me for six weeks on half prayers and told me that if happened again

That I would be sent to some shit hole of a country in the tropics as a missionary

So I have changed my ways a little especially as I am now aware of the vacancy

If I keep my nose clean and start caring for my fellow man then I stand a chance

All I can do in the meantime is hope and hope and hope again that I am the chosen one

 

 

Outlaw