How are you feeling Stan 

Rough still 

You have caught a chill 

Possibly 

It may have been when you got soaked the other day at the game 

I know but football is my mistress 

And I am your wife 

I do wish that you shared my passion Jane 

For twenty two grown men running around a field in all weathers chasing a football 

There are only twenty men running around the field Jane 

The two goalkeepers stay mostly in their penalty areas 

Unless they go up for corners you know 

I used to be goalkeeper 

A rather good goalkeeper 

I know I watched you play many times on cold Saturday afternoons 

It was the injuries that I could not live with Stan 

Cut and bruises dislocated fingers and the odd black eye and many others 

And your wounded hero routine each time 

Well now that we live in London you do not have the time 

I still turn out for Kings X FC when they are short 

And you score goals as you are forever telling me 

I scored four against Tooting 

We won 11-0 

They only had nine men and a substitute 

That can not happen Jane 

Why 

Because the substitute would have been the tenth player 

Jim has told me that they have a cup game in three weeks and would I be on standby 

And you said yes I suppose 

I said that I would consider it 

We are going to Worthing in three weeks to see mummy 

That is lucky as we are playing in Brighton 

I will be able to play and then pop across to see you and your mother 

You are the limit Stan 

I like the colour of the box of tissues you got me 

The brown design is quite retro 

Did you travel to the edge of the universe to purchase my box of tissues 

No 

I purchased them at Waitrose 

Was brown the only colour Jane 

How should I know 

What other colours were there 

Blue I think 

That is good 

Why 

Because if I use this box of tissues then you can purchase a blue box for me

You are going to die painfully Stan 

I am going to drown you in Vic 

Sad that 

Why 

Because I have booked a table at The Edge of the Universe for Tuesday week 

Whatever for 

It was the day that we went out on our first date 

Remember 

Stan 

Yes 

Do you know what God looks like 

I have a good idea 

Well bully for you as you are going to meet him very soon 

Ouch 

Why did you slap me 

Because you are a total dope 

Dope 

Yes idiot our first date anniversary was last Tuesday 

Tuesday the fifth  

Are you sure 

Yes very sure 

Really 

Then I was mistaken 

Vick or another slap Stan 

You choose 

I suppose an apology would not go far would it 

Ouch Ouch Ouch