Joe 

When I was in Canterbury I witnessed an incident 

I suppose it was an amazing piece of theatre 

In short there had been an altercation 

Between a motorist and a lycra fascist 

As far as I can see it was caused 

When the chap in the car discovered 

That he was being filmed by a camera 

Which was attached to the cyclists helmet 

I am not sure who was at fault 

Long story short the lycra fascist 

Was punched on the nose 

And his hemet minus the camera 

Was thrown into the river with Ophelia 

Although I did nothing 

A couple of Guardian readers became excited 

They called it a hate crime 

It did occur to me that the hate crime 

Was in fact the lycra outfit the cyclist was wearing 

The useless cops were soon on the scene 

Even though Canterbury appeared to be infested 

With illegals and the general detritus of society 

I must say I am becoming quite fond of hate crimes 

In a way it is a new form of entertainment 

When I was a girl it used to be queer bashing 

But now there is much more variety 

Which can only be for the good 

I saw you at the airport yesterday with Josie 

You seemed to be in the company of three gorgeous women 

I think one might have been Sephine but who were the others 

Pray tell catch up soon 

Martha x