The Firing Squad


Lads there had been a slight change of plan today

Why is that Sir

Well as you all know the current government has gone all soft and liberal

Who is it today

George Crawford the chap who shot the Prime Minister

A bit harsh that I would have just fined him

That or community service Fred

I agree

Quiet in the ranks please

This is what is going to happen today

First of all please make your weapons safe

As I will soon approach the prisoner

At his place of execution

And I do not want one you clowns

Shooting me in the back

I am going to ask the prisoner one question

What is that sir

Believe it or not I will ask him whether he wants to be shot

Is it less cruel than life behind bars

What I will do is give our hero George

A stark choice

That being

Whether he wants to live or die

Does he want to die in the next hour

Ripped apart by your shiny bullets

Or die screaming in a godforsaken prison

Sometime in the future

I can see where the government is coming from

The offender should be given the choice

George you probably heard of all that

I did

I am going to ask you a question

Fire away

Will you marry me

What

Sorry only joking

Do you want to live or die

Is that the choice

Yes

Do you want to be ripped apart by bullets

Or spend the rest of your days in HMP Wye Valley

Wye Valley

Yes it one of our most precious prisons

It has all the facilities you would expect

Is it like an up market hotel

Better

The only difference is that you will never leave

What would you do

I would probably choose prison

This said you did the country a great service

But were stupid enough to get caught

Are you a do it yourself type of guy

I suppose I am as when Shelia asks me to do something around the house

I tell her to do it herself

This third option lets you decide how you want to die

Yes

I will give a weapon from our huge arsenal

You can decide when where and how

I do need an answer now as the squad is getting restless

Is your name Simon

How do you know that George

It is on your

Happy to Help badge

Simon

My choice is —–