I have just received a text from my wife

Noting that she had caught our new neighbour

Pleasuring herself on her small patio

Lizzy was invited to share the pleasures

Of the journey deep into herself

What came next is something of a mystery

As my disgusted phone ran slowly out of charge

It appeared that I had been invited to join in

So in a narrow and declining space I replied

Oh, to be in Ealing Now that April’s there,