My name is Port Arthur

I have plans to become a writer

But at present

I am unattached

Because I am tall and ginger with spots

This for some reason is unattractive

I am attracted to girls with raven eyes

As they are so expressive and feminine

And here lies a sad tale

As I began chatting to a girl online

She was German like me and also lived in Koln

Margit loved reading Dostoevsky

She sent me a photograph

And I was hooked

Intelligent and so beautiful

We agreed to meet in front of the cathedral

I was half an hour early

As she was indeed a rare catch

And that was where it ended

Because the only girl who was wearing a Wham shirt

Was not the girl in the photograph

But a girl of excessive pounds

Who looked like a Russian peasant

I was shallow and had expected more

But instead of leaving I introduced myself

This confused me and I lost all power

I had in a few short steps betrayed my ideal

Her eyes were a busy brown as was her wiry hair

But she found no fault in me which was surprising

We chatted for hours on all subjects

My ambitions to be a writer and possibly a poet

She wanted to be an artist

Because she understood colour

And to quote the famous movie

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship

Although this did not stop us booking a hotel