It had to happen in the two weeks leading up to Christmas

I am a football player for a lower league side

We played a cup game at the beginning of December

And drew two two after extra time

The replay was scheduled for the third week of the month

It would have been my last game in December

We won by three goals but I injured my arm

It was not serious just fucking painful

Adama had set me certain tasks like buying a large Christmas tree

I told her that I was in pain but she ignored my feeble protests

Long story short I purchased a large tree as instructed

And dragged it home with great difficulty

I was due to meet my wife and her sister at six for a coffee

So I took the opportunity to decorate and Illuminate the tree

To show that I had more than a passing interest

It was very cold so I turned the heating up in our apartment

All went well until we returned from our shopping trip

Adama had gone ahead as Andrea was buying some cigarettes

I was waiting for her in the depths of Middle Earth

When my wife ran towards me looking green and quite pale

It seems that I had dragged the wretched tree through fresh dog shit

On my way back to the apartment without noticing the ill

It seems that I had decorated and illuminated the tree

Without noticing that I had dragged it through the shit

And then I increased the heating especially for our guest

The strange thing was that my wife took little or no interest

When I told her that my injury had vastly improved

And I was hoping to be fit for the quarter final in January