What a pleasant war this is

I have been given a rusty rifle

And am allowed to shoot anybody

That I like on the other side

I always choose the fat soldiers

Making sure that they are wearing

The grey uniforms and gold buttons

It is not that I hate fat people

Indeed my boyfriend Ronald is fat

We both live in Weston Super Mare

And often go to the muddy beach with Doreen

But this is spoilt by Ronny’s rolls of fat

Which makes us both feel sick

I am planning to get killed on Thursday

And have asked Doreen to keep her love letters

Until I arrive home on the twenty-fifth