Where have you been Phil

Trying to find the men’s bogs

Did you have any luck

Yes and no

Meaning

I found a gender neutral bog at the pavilion

Yes

They fulfil the same purpose

I agree but as I entered

A gorgeous French girl

(I think I know where this is going)

Passed me looking suitably embarrassed

There is something fundamentally wrong

With gender neutral bogs

Why were they invented

What is wrong with bogs for blokes

And bogs for the girls

It is basic mathematics

Blokes have cocks

Girls have cunts like you

(you have noticed then)

Two and two always make four never five

Anybody who thinks differently is deluded

Or just a weird pervert who should be locked up

(they say that the most intelligent minds are black and white)

Chick with dicks this makes me feel cold

The Victorians got it right with separate bogs

For men and women

What a balance

The Symmetry of Mathematics

(I was waiting for that)

(shall I go for a swim or read a book)

You would not find them at Millwall’s ground

They would not stand for that

They are real men not queers and perverts

(you support Chelsea Phil)

(the last time you went to Millwall you were arrested)

(you are my husband and intelligent as fuck)

(but you are a Grade One Neanderthal)

Dinner Sal

(did I hear dinner)

There is a nice Italian opposite the church

Do you fancy it

(just a sweet smile Sally look surprised and very happy)

I went there with the boys after the game last week

Great food and they had proper bogs

( I suppose that it is better than the Red Lion)

Pretty waitresses and I think that they are real Italians

(I am told that there are some cliffs nearby)

(am I going to jump or is he going to fall)