I was the only English astronaut chosen for the Artemis Moon mission

This said I had lived in the US for many years

There were a number of heated discussions when I was chosen

As I was not an American

I argued that God was an Englishman

Which did not go down very well


At present we are on the dark side of the moon

And for a short while we would be out of contact

As hundreds of photographs were being taken

By the other members of the crew I sat silently

Staring into eternity

I was taking notes about my feelings and my fears

And whether another English poet

Would be sent into space

I was I knew the first English poet from Hull

To have made this short journey


Lopez interrupted my line of thought

He wondered what would happen

If due to a malfunction we did not return

And followed Voyager 1 on its endless journey

It was launched in September 1977

Was the world a better place then

We know more now but can we cope with it

Wars are still being fought and people were being killed

Not much had changed as the lunatics were still running things

We had the knowledge and capabilities to destroy ourselves

But did not understand the Mathematics of Coincidence


Regan who was the only woman selected was making tea

I preferred coffee but we had run out of coffee beans

She was famous as being the youngest Grand Master ever

Mission Control had packed a chess set as a surprise

But we had not unpacked the Fun in Space parcel

I commented that if this was the dark side of the moon

Then it was not very dark as I could read without hindrance


And then Mission Control piped up

They read a poem by Stephen Crane


In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

Who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, “Is it good, friend?”

“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it

“Because it is bitter,

“And because it is my heart.”


It was then that I realised it was my birthday

And at that very moment

The President of the United States

Was extinguishing the candles on my birthday cake

I pretended to shed a tear but I did not care

As I disliked buttercream with a vengeance

A piece would be waiting for me

If I bothered to return


Jackson from Ashland VA suddenly let out a shout

At first I thought that something had gone wrong

But it was more serious than that

As he had beaten Regan at Pretend Chess

She was upset and had locked herself in her room

It was her first defeat since she was twelve years old


Playtime was over and we were on the way back

My spacewalk had been cancelled

Because my old football injury has flared up

Lopez said he would take my place

But he had forgotten his little Chihuahua

Who suffered badly from Agoraphobia


It was Easter Sunday and we all prayed

It was then I spotted a bright star

That I could not immediately identify

Things were about to get very exciting