What happened

I threw a pan of boiling water

At a famous chef

Why

Because he murdered

A lobster in Milton Keynes

It was selected at random

Read this Tiff

It is in Portuguese

The Braille translation

Is on the reverse side


Boil a live lobster in heavily salted water

For eight to ten minutes

Until the shell

Turns bright red

And the meat is opaque


I think I know where this is going

Is this why you were imprisoned

Yes

The chef who I attacked

Made sure that I suffered

I lost my job at Number 10

And he continued to serve lobsters

At his multi starred restaurant

Her wore his scars as trophies


Did you

Yes

Really

You do not get ten years for nothing

I lured him into a remote cellar

As he thought I had access

To the famous rainbow lobsters

From Cape Cod and Nantucket Island


Did you boil him alive

I was just following the recipe Tiff

That was all

Ten years

I originally received twenty years

And then it was reduced

Good behaviour

Not really

The Lobsters Liberation Front

Getting warmer

But still quite cool

Then why

It was because of a change of law

That I immediately became

A Prisoner of Conscious

My sentence was reduced overnight

It will be further reduced in a week

I have serious hopes of being released


Lobster Manifesto

Boiling  lobsters and other decapod crustaceans alive is recognised as being incompatible with the UK Animal Welfare Laws

And because of that the boiling of famous chefs

Is permitted as long salt is used

I used to be called shrimp at school

As I was so small and boyish to look at

In view of this will you marry me

I will meet you outside of the prison gates



Annette