There was a strange glow in the night sky And although the rain clouds were heavy I knew that there was a brilliant moon A snow moon hidden above the rigid fields

I met my future wife In a downtown record store She was listening To The Rolling Stones When a lowlife Asked her if she Was wearing panties Under her cotton dress I did not take kindly To this question And punched the pervert Hard in the face For which I was arrested My future wife…

We probably looked like an odd couple As Pasadena had very short hair And my hair was thick and shoulder length Which retained its rough bleached appearance I liked this style as I could choose not to shave Pasadena’s hair was brown almost black Although she had deep doe green eyes Neither of us worked…

I was happy with my assassin A good and thorough job Well executed and without fuss The blood splat was an optional extra And I was able to pay in instalments

I spent the the whole of the war in a suitcase A suitcase donated by the Red Cross I was in Italy and I was in a cupboard Or at least I thought I was In a confined space Because everything was rather muffled And then at the end of the conflict I was repatriated…

Joe Josie Have you read the Telegraph today Not yet Anything interesting I think it will piss you off Pray tell In a few days another movie version of Wuthering Heights Will be released in cinemas Do you girls want to see it Maybe Sephine Sounds fun So what will piss me off Josie There…

Is it true that you stood up Completely nude In front of an audience And read your latest poem Experiments in the Abyss To great acclaim That is very true Richard It was also filmed By the White Sands Collective And can easily be found online I do have something of a connection With you…

I must say that I do not trust The irrigation channels Near our cherished church As I think a great flood Is not that far away

A syphilitic maiden much worn Now walks amongst us She will do much damage As she hands out sweets To primates whose lips Are bitter and misshapen

Why are small rooms in country cottages So erotic As there is nothing special about them