I am housebound after damaging my ankle Whilst hiking on the North Yorkshire Moors I whisper a prayer in your direction Alice Flood As all I desire is your safe and speedy return In a month I will walk with you towards the tube We will meet again at five and plan our next adventure…

Hi Joe  Where have you been  We thought you were dead  Maxkers thought you had died of exhaustion shagging your sister  No such luck  She has been my nurse for the past couple of weeks  Was she commando under her uniform like the slag in Burger King  What that fat Turkish one  The same as …

My character was given a farm which proved to be successful I was pleased for him as I consider myself colourblind But others did not see it that way and I received many letters They were mostly hostile and threatening but I did not care As these were other characters which I had created with…

After leaving school I went to work for the Southern Counties Bus Company I stayed there for over five years working mainly as a bus conductor But later in administration at the main depot In Portsmouth It was there that I met Maureen who later became my wife Sadly when little Geraldine came along I…

Pass the Sick Bagge As there are politicians Heading for our door You have a choice Chilli Special or Burger King Burp The Chilli Special please But without the cheese Bagge Yes Pooh Shall we go to the zoo Number one or Number two Number two Pooh And lets ask Sister Lou pavement poetry

Beautiful Beautiful Blue Bird Blue Proud on our Summer Wall What a Perfect Creature You Are You Are What a Perfect Creature You Are Leah (2024)

I threw a ball For my dog Nigger It was a bit extravagant I know But it was his birthday

I broke my arm in two places Charles Really how dreadful for you It is getting better now Yes but I have been advised To stop visiting those places

The foul conditions had driven Most of the mourners away A few of us remained On this deep December evening We stood as brothers and chanted Above poor Linnell’s grave

Tell me a joke about autoeroticism Stan Autoeroticism Yeah (pause) There are not many jokes on this subject Really But here is one Wow Should we break up Mary Said my car to your car That is the worst joke That I have ever heard Should we Should we what Break up No Why Because…