Stan Yes It is me Jane I have arrived safely Rome is so beautiful I know They say See Rome and Die My friend Clive Took that too literally Did he Yes What happened He threw himself from his hotel window How sad Stan I was very cut up about it But not as cut…

Joe may I call you Joe Yes Josephine will be okay You must be very happy Happy what is happy One of the seven dwarfs That question is wrong Why Happy who is Happy Is the correct question Happy is an abstract word Is abstract a happy word You cannot touch it You cannot eat…

I am sleeping with my assassin Jane Revolver is her name In a few hours time She will terminate The miserable life Of a corrupt politician I have agreed to shelter her In this bed when she returns

Do you remember that night in Paris That single night that we spent together Before you left for the war We agreed not to write You agreed not to die I was the girl You were the soldier Although you revealed your name I wrote it on a cigarette packet Soon after we parted At…

Words are now spent Fires are about to overwhelm us A philosopher in his summer shorts Is staring at me with a discreet passion I find this very comforting

I was executed on a Tuesday For an unspecified crime As I sat in the chair You stood in front of me And removed your vest I was asked which I admired more Your breasts of your underarm hair I chose the latter for the comfort It brought me on this my last day You…

I often dream underwater Without precaution I ignore the dangers And just concentrate On the colours Of my dreams

About twenty years ago I found myself on Chippenham Railway Station. I soon spotted an elderly nun struggling with a suitcase that was almost bigger than her. As the station did not have porters and I was the only chap around. I offered to take the nuns suitcase over the footbridge towards the station forecourt.…

I was in my beloved Canterbury recently reading a rather hysterical article about toxic masculinity and white privilege in a magazine left by a previous customer. I was about to leave when two members of the church asked me if I knew whether I knew where Canterbury West Railway Station was (yes) and was it…

Feeling Under the Weather What a fucking stupid way of describing feeling like shit. I had a cold and it just hung on – many people I know have had similar bugs and have not moaned about them. It was my turn which has fucked me off greatly Fuck Fuck Fuck I am a busy…