Many years ago during my time as cleaner<\/p>\n
I killed two men<\/p>\n
The first was a prick who was working late<\/p>\n
At the company offices of Tin Alley<\/p>\n
I had just finished emptying the bins<\/p>\n
When he threw his soda can into the receptacle<\/p>\n
I ignored his idiocy until he called me across<\/p>\n
Now I do not mind being called a circle or even a square<\/p>\n
But hated being called a cross<\/p>\n
He demanded that I vacate his bin<\/p>\n
And when I refused he said he would get me fired<\/p>\n
I hit him over the head dead with his angelpoise lamp<\/p>\n
He fell to the floor without a sound staining the red carpet red in the process<\/p>\n
I then finished my shift and read Vonnegut on the tram home<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The second man I killed was the CEO of a Multinational<\/p>\n
His office was on the penultimate floor of a thirty storey block<\/p>\n
I had cleaned his office before and had noticed that he had a cuckoo clock<\/p>\n
This I felt was little strange as cuckoos were not high altitude birds<\/p>\n
On the day in question I found him arguing on the phone with a junior<\/p>\n
When he had finished the call he turned to me and asked me to dust his cock<\/p>\n
I did this without question but he then told me abruptly<\/p>\n
To clean the birdshit out of the cuckoo clock as I was good for nothing else<\/p>\n
As I moved towards the wretched creature I picked up his engraved letter opener<\/p>\n
And plunged it deeply into his black heart<\/p>\n
He staggered forward towards the plate glass window<\/p>\n
Which should have prevented him falling twenty-nine floors but it did not<\/p>\n
I then finished my shift and read Vonnegut on the tram home<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Many years ago during my time as cleaner I killed two men The first was a prick who was working late At the company offices of Tin Alley I had just finished emptying the bins When he threw his soda can into the receptacle I ignored his idiocy until he called me across Now I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11171"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11171\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11174,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11171\/revisions\/11174"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}