I am shagging my sister and my school teacher at the same time<\/p>\n
Well not really at the same time as that would be impossible<\/p>\n
Is that your full name sir<\/p>\n
Yes<\/p>\n
It is a bit long I fancy<\/p>\n
Not really as my bro is called<\/p>\n
There are sixteen roundabouts in Basingstoke three of which have been the scene of fatal accidents<\/p>\n
Does you brother work sir<\/p>\n
Yes he is a policeman<\/p>\n
I know that I do not need to know this but what is your sister called<\/p>\n
I do not know as I have never asked her<\/p>\n
Mary I think<\/p>\n
Okay then back to you<\/p>\n
Mr<\/p>\n
What shall I call you<\/p>\n
Just call me Martyn<\/p>\n
Well Martin<\/p>\n
It is not Martin with an i but Martin with a y<\/p>\n
Martyn<\/p>\n
If I use Martin then I am easily confused with Martin Heidegger you see<\/p>\n
It happens all the time<\/p>\n
I suppose it does<\/p>\n
Well back to your application I see that you state that you want to be the Dean of St Paul’s<\/p>\n
Yes the one in London<\/p>\n
John Donne is the Dean of St Paul’s<\/p>\n
He is my favourite poet you know although he has not had anything published for a while<\/p>\n
That is because he is dead sir<\/p>\n
Funny that I was only saying to my missus that I had not seen anything about John in the newspapers for a while<\/p>\n
You would have thought that they might have carried his obituary or something<\/p>\n
That is because he has been dead for over three hundred years sir<\/p>\n
Then there is an opening then<\/p>\n
Opening<\/p>\n
Yes that will make things easier<\/p>\n
Please explain sir<\/p>\n
Well I popped down to St Paul’s last week to have a chat with John<\/p>\n
Go on<\/p>\n
I knew that I had this interview coming up so I thought I would be proactive<\/p>\n
Proactive<\/p>\n
Yes proactive<\/p>\n
I knew that John has been the Dean for a long time and I was going to ask him did he want to do a job swap with me<\/p>\n
You wanted to do a job swap<\/p>\n
Yes<\/p>\n
Were you working<\/p>\n
Yes<\/p>\n
Where<\/p>\n
At the chippy on Albert Street<\/p>\n
It burned down two years ago sir<\/p>\n
I know but the fryers were not damaged you see<\/p>\n
Are you still there<\/p>\n
No<\/p>\n
Why did you leave<\/p>\n
Job satisfaction<\/p>\n
I was not getting any job satisfaction<\/p>\n
You quit<\/p>\n
Yes and that was why I went to London to see John<\/p>\n
I thought he might fancy it as a bit of a change<\/p>\n
I know that I would certainly like meeting the Queen<\/p>\n
What happened<\/p>\n
John was not in<\/p>\n
That was because he was dead sir<\/p>\n
I did not know that then did I<\/p>\n
Well this kind of vicar prayed with me and then gave some holy water and a food parcel donated by those kind people at Iceland<\/p>\n
So it was not a wasted trip Martyn<\/p>\n
It was<\/p>\n
Really why<\/p>\n
Because all the food defrosted on the tube<\/p>\n
I see<\/p>\n
Well back to you Martin<\/p>\n
It is spelt Martyn<\/p>\n
Sorry<\/p>\n
You do realise that the Dean of St Paul’s is a little out of your league Martyn<\/p>\n
But if John is dead there is obviously a vacancy<\/p>\n
Agreed but the church fills them very quickly<\/p>\n
Really with him not even cold<\/p>\n
Sadly so<\/p>\n
That is so unfeeling<\/p>\n
I agree<\/p>\n
I do not think that God would be impressed<\/p>\n
I am sure he wouldn’t<\/p>\n
Is the Pope still alive<\/p>\n
Yes<\/p>\n
Damn and blast I would have liked a bit of that Italian sunshine<\/p>\n
Is he old<\/p>\n
Yes a bit<\/p>\n
So he might pop his clogs quite soon you are saying to me<\/p>\n
Martyn are you a Catholic<\/p>\n
No does that matter<\/p>\n
A bit<\/p>\n
Is the Pope Catholic<\/p>\n
Yes<\/p>\n
I could always convert<\/p>\n
It might take too long<\/p>\n
That is disappointing but I suppose I could come down a peg or two and become a Bishop<\/p>\n
The Bishop of Bath and Wells maybe<\/p>\n
Out of the question<\/p>\n
Just a plain Bishop then<\/p>\n
Still out of the question<\/p>\n
Why<\/p>\n
Well I have seen on file that you think that religion is a load of old rubbish<\/p>\n
I do<\/p>\n
That would not really help with any job application would it<\/p>\n
Why<\/p>\n
Well one of the rules for entry into the church is a belief in God<\/p>\n
Really<\/p>\n
Yes it is a strange world<\/p>\n
You would think that the church would let any anybody in<\/p>\n
Discrimination<\/p>\n
There are laws against that<\/p>\n
I know<\/p>\n
Do you think I should take it further<\/p>\n
I think that your case might be dismissed Martyn<\/p>\n
Why<\/p>\n
Because you have not even applied for a job with the church<\/p>\n
I suppose you have a point<\/p>\n
Martyn I am writing the date of our next appointment on this little card will you be able to keep it<\/p>\n
The 22nd of February 1955 yes that will be okay<\/p>\n
It will give you the time to do some serious job hunting<\/p>\n
It will<\/p>\n
Well goodbye Martyn<\/p>\n
Thank you<\/p>\n
Please can I have your name<\/p>\n
John Smith<\/p>\n
That is a coincidence<\/p>\n
Why<\/p>\n
That was my aunties name<\/p>\n
It is a small world Martyn<\/p>\n
It sure is<\/p>\n
Goodbye Martyn<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am shagging my sister and my school teacher at the same time Well not really at the same time as that would be impossible Is that your full name sir Yes It is a bit long I fancy Not really as my bro is called There are sixteen roundabouts in Basingstoke three of which […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11614","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11614","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11614"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11614\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11618,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11614\/revisions\/11618"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11614"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11614"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11614"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}