<\/p>\n
Visiting Castles in the Nude <\/b><\/p>\n
I am a carer<\/p>\n
But the trouble is that I do not really care<\/p>\n
I care for a forty-eight year old man with CP<\/p>\n
His name is Hugh Macaroni-Cheese<\/p>\n
But I call him Frank<\/p>\n
As I cannot be fucked to call him Hugh<\/p>\n
We often visit castles in the Kent area<\/p>\n
Frank insists that he conducts these visits in the nude<\/p>\n
Which is quite gross as I wear a polo shirt and sensible slacks<\/p>\n
For some reason his twisted unattractive body seems to attract<\/p>\n
And quite often I leave him in female company<\/p>\n
Where he often receives a blow or if he is very lucky a fuck<\/p>\n
When this happens I take time out to look at the exhibits<\/p>\n
And research the castle in question on my mobile phone<\/p>\n
Afterwards we retire to the caf\u00e9 where we have tea and buns<\/p>\n
If Frank has not bored me too much then we visit the gift shop<\/p>\n
Where I buy him a fridge magnet<\/p>\n
Which torments him as he does not own a fridge<\/p>\n
When my shift ends I return him to the home<\/p>\n
And leave him in the company of Precious Pearl<\/p>\n
I do not miss Frank when he is not with me<\/p>\n
As my cherished hobby of night fishing<\/p>\n
Takes up the rest of my time<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Paddling in Dover <\/b><\/p>\n
As I was sad with my life<\/p>\n
I decided to throw myself<\/p>\n
From the Admiralty Viewing Platform<\/p>\n
At Dover Castle<\/p>\n
I reasoned that I would enjoy the view<\/p>\n
If nothing else as I fell<\/p>\n
I planned my suicide for the<\/p>\n
28th<\/sup> of January at 06.00am<\/p>\n At 05.58 I broke from my hiding place<\/p>\n And as my watch touched six climbed the guard rail and jumped<\/p>\n As I fell both St Peter and St Paul grabbed by wrists<\/p>\n And guided me onto Dover Beach<\/p>\n Telling me to enjoy the sunrise<\/p>\n And that paddling<\/p>\n Even in the winter<\/p>\n Was much more fun<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Rapid Thoughts in a Kent Rose Garden <\/b><\/p>\n Albertine Albertine walked along the unlit road<\/p>\n And placed flowers where the stranger had died<\/p>\n She had chosen red roses devoid of thorns<\/p>\n Fringed with pink buttercups<\/p>\n It was said that the stranger was a sailor<\/p>\n Returning to the sea<\/p>\n But his injuries were so severe<\/p>\n That his profession could not be determined<\/p>\n For the rest of the day<\/p>\n Albertine Albertine<\/p>\n Collected other victims of the unlit road<\/p>\n And buried them without ceremony<\/p>\n In the lush grasses of the High Lawns<\/p>\n Near the Hill of Dunkirk<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Visiting Castles in the Nude I am a carer But the trouble is that I do not really care I care for a forty-eight year old man with CP His name is Hugh Macaroni-Cheese But I call him Frank As I cannot be fucked to call him Hugh We often visit castles in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1218"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1218"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1218\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}