{"id":12266,"date":"2023-01-18T14:57:57","date_gmt":"2023-01-18T14:57:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=12266"},"modified":"2023-01-18T15:02:13","modified_gmt":"2023-01-18T15:02:13","slug":"the-tissue-box-at-the-edge-of-the-universe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/18\/the-tissue-box-at-the-edge-of-the-universe\/","title":{"rendered":"The Tissue Box at the Edge of the Universe<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How are you feeling Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rough still <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have caught a chill <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Possibly <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may have been when you got soaked the other day at the game <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know but football is my mistress <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I am your wife <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do wish that you shared my passion Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For twenty two grown men running around a field in all weathers chasing a football <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are only twenty men running around the field Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The two goalkeepers stay mostly in their penalty areas <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unless they go up for corners you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to be goalkeeper <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A rather good goalkeeper <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I watched you play many times on cold Saturday afternoons <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was the injuries that I could not live with Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cut and bruises dislocated fingers and the odd black eye and many others <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And your wounded hero routine each time <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well now that we live in London you do not have the time <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still turn out for Kings X FC when they are short <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you score goals as you are forever telling me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I scored four against Tooting <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We won 11-0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They only had nine men and a substitute <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That can not happen Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the substitute would have been the tenth player <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jim has told me that they have a cup game in three weeks and would I be on standby <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you said yes I suppose <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said that I would consider it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are going to Worthing in three weeks to see mummy <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is lucky as we are playing in Brighton <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will be able to play and then pop across to see you and your mother <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are the limit Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like the colour of the box of tissues you got me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The brown design is quite retro <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you travel to the edge of the universe to purchase my box of tissues <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I purchased them at Waitrose <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Was brown the only colour Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How should I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What other colours were there <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blue I think <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is good <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because if I use this box of tissues then you can purchase a blue box for me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are going to die painfully Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am going to drown you in Vic <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sad that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I have booked a table at The Edge of the Universe for Tuesday week <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever for <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was the day that we went out on our first date <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you know what God looks like <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a good idea <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well bully for you as you are going to meet him very soon <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ouch <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did you slap me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because you are a total dope <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dope <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes idiot our first date anniversary was last Tuesday <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuesday the fifth  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you sure <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes very sure <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I was mistaken <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vick or another\u00a0slap Stan\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You choose <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I suppose an apology would not go far would it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ouch Ouch Ouch <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How are you feeling Stan  Rough still  You have caught a chill  Possibly  It may have been when you got soaked the other day at the game  I know but football is my mistress  And I am your wife  I do wish that you shared my passion Jane  For twenty two grown men running around a field […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12266"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12269,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266\/revisions\/12269"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}