Noah Vale was sitting in a train carriage opposite the chairman of a huge multi-nationa companyl based in the City of London<\/p>\n
The chairman was reading Noah\u2019s first book of poetry which was called Masturbation for Beginners <\/i><\/p>\n
What the older man did not know was that in Noah\u2019s brown leather briefcase were the final drafts of his latest collection of poems<\/p>\n
This collection was to be called The Lost Art Masturbation<\/i><\/p>\n
When the train stopped at Three Bridges railway station three nuns boarded the train<\/p>\n
One of the nuns sat down next to Noah and asked him to sign her prayer book<\/p>\n
Her name was Roxy<\/p>\n
In return she gave Noah a rosary which he happily accepted<\/p>\n
Near the entrance to Three Bridges railway station there were three advertisement boards<\/p>\n
One advertised orange juice<\/p>\n
The second face cream<\/p>\n
The third advertised Noah\u2019s first book of poetry which had recently been published<\/p>\n
This poster had been vandalised<\/p>\n
WANKER <\/b>had been written in a black marker pen across his likeness<\/p>\n
Two schoolboys smiled broadly as they passed the defaced poster<\/p>\n
As the nun who called herself Roxy moved down the carriage a black marker fell from the pocket of her habit and rolled under a seat<\/p>\n
Roxy did not notice the loss and joined the other nuns<\/p>\n
Nobody in the carriage noticed this tiny drama<\/p>\n
The nuns each opened a prayer book but did not audibly pray<\/p>\n
As the train left Three Bridges Noah fell asleep and dreamt of Tasmania<\/p>\n
The chairman of the multi-national company stole the rosary from Noah’s lap and began to pray for forgiveness<\/p>\n
Each of the nuns now prayed for forgiveness<\/p>\n
Their prayers although spoken were still not audible<\/p>\n
Only God could hear their prayers<\/p>\n
At Three Bridges railway station the vandalised poster was further defaced when a small dog with a terminal disease urinated over the likeness of Noah<\/p>\n
The acid in the canine urine caused the ink of the marker pen to run and the previous vandalism now read WA\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0R<\/b><\/p>\n
At 07.08 the following morning a woman called Judy found the black marker pen under her seat as she travelled to London<\/p>\n
She immediately went to the toilet on the train and scrawled on the cubicle wall<\/p>\n
Judy Is Getting Her Nipples Pierced <\/b><\/p>\n
She then threw the black marker pen down the toilet pan and used the flush<\/p>\n
After three attempts the pen disappeared from view<\/p>\n
Judy returned to her seat and began to pray<\/p>\n
The black marker pen although out of sight did not clear the trains sanitary mechanism and became lodged<\/p>\n
It stayed in its trapped position for the next four hundred and ninety six miles until an extraordinary savage flush dislodged it<\/p>\n
The pen now lies between the railway lines at Three Bridges railway station<\/p>\n
It can be seen clearly from the down platform \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Noah Vale was sitting in a train carriage opposite the chairman of a huge multi-nationa companyl based in the City of London The chairman was reading Noah\u2019s first book of poetry which was called Masturbation for Beginners What the older man did not know was that in Noah\u2019s brown leather briefcase were the final drafts […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1231"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1231"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1231\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1231"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1231"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1231"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}