{"id":12455,"date":"2023-01-21T08:01:42","date_gmt":"2023-01-21T08:01:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=12455"},"modified":"2023-01-21T08:01:42","modified_gmt":"2023-01-21T08:01:42","slug":"how-i-met-my-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/21\/how-i-met-my-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Met my Wife\u00a0<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Like many people I met my future wife <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was at college <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems strange that although I was aware of her <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had not really spoken to her <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was as beautiful as I was self centred<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was until I wrote a fifteen minute play <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the Drama in Dorking week <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short six of the most promising writers in college  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Were commissioned to write a short play <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That would be presented in front of an audience  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Along with the mayor and the college governors <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However although I was not aware of it at the time <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Three guest from Japan had been invited along <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And they were seriously considering sponsoring the college <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My play ran into trouble straight away when it was discovered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That it was full of profanities and suggestions of sexual bribery <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short it was about a tired college lecturer <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who was given the task of welcoming straightlaced visitors <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To the college as they were going to sponsor a new building <\/p>\n\n\n\n

His name was Christopher Herrman <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To him it was just a typical shit day at the ranch <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He argued with his colleagues and was teasing the new maths lecturer to the point of cruelty <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used the existing staff at the college and lampooned them without shame <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if this was not bad enough I suggested that one of the female students was not beyond offering sexual favours <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In exchange for sympathetic considerations when marking her awful work<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And because of that it was banned as not being suitable for the evening <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had half expected that and was not surprised <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I had my supporters within the college <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And was offered my place as long as I censored my short play <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This I did removing all but one of the fucks and all of the cunts <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robin and I cast the play and his girlfriend agreed to be the struggling student <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I left it up to her how she would offer the favours <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robin was cast as Christopher Herrman and I was his understudy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But on the day before the play was due to be performed disaster struck <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Robin and Jill were involved in a minor car accident which shook them up <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I immediately stepped into the role of Christopher Herrman <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that is where Jane stepped in by taking the role of Viva <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She learnt her lines in a matter of hours and rehearsed with me that afternoon<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thankfully my play was the final play of the evening <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And all went reasonably well until the seduction scene <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When out of the blue Jane lifted her mini skirt with her back to the audience <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had written no stage direction for this and expected to see her panties <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I was given a privileged view of her full pubic bush<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was for me and me only nobody else was aware of the display  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Initially I thought Jane was playing the ultimate practical joke at my expense <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I somehow managed to stumble through my lines <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My play was awarded the Dale College Award for best new play <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the college was awarded its sponsorship <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It all ended happily especially for me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I asked Jane out that very evening and the rest is history <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I asked her why she exposed her cunt to me in such a public manner <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She noted that she knew then that I was her future love <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But needed to lift her veil so that I became fully aware of her <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was and still is an English Rose and is quite shy <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So this theatre was totally out of character <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple of years ago she asked me what I thought of her exhibition <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Was it surprise or astonishment or was I disgusted or shocked <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told her that my first thoughts were when I saw her nakedness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Was that she was a natural blonde <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Like many people I met my future wife  When I was at college  It seems strange that although I was aware of her  I had not really spoken to her  She was as beautiful as I was self centred This was until I wrote a fifteen minute play  For the Drama in Dorking week  In short six […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12455"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12455\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12456,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12455\/revisions\/12456"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}