{"id":12531,"date":"2023-01-21T18:06:54","date_gmt":"2023-01-21T18:06:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=12531"},"modified":"2023-01-21T18:06:54","modified_gmt":"2023-01-21T18:06:54","slug":"the-mouse-chronicles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/21\/the-mouse-chronicles\/","title":{"rendered":"The Mouse Chronicles<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

STAN <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s wrong Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have found a mouse in the house <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are a poet Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mouse in the house it rhymes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck Off Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where is the mouse Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s here <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where is here <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the humane mouse trap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wow that is a surprise as I baited it last night <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was no cheese in this humane mouse trap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mouse has probably eaten it Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mice like cheese <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mice eat cheese <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mice do not like cats <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cats do not like mice <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Darwin knew this <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You did not bait this humane mouse trap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were two Stan you baited the first but ignored the one near the door <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did not see it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You were too busy watching football and were not listening when I gave you your instructions <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have an ear infection my love <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you want to get seriously hurt Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know I hate mice <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to keep them when I was a child <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you keep telling me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are such spiritual creatures <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jane why did you do that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because you are a cunt Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That was my World Cup Guide and they are so expensive these days <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a39.99 from the Paki shop in the town which is incredible <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I purchased one in 1982 it was only \u00a31.50 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

STAN <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did the mouse ignore the baited trap and instead go to the trap that you forgot to bait <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Search me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh not such a great intellectual now <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frankly Jane I do not care <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mice are mice <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there is one thing that interests me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The colour of the mouse <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What colour was it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Black <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What colour was the mouse we found on Tuesday in the baited humane mouse trap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How the fuck should I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You took a photograph of it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not remember doing that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I asked you to so as it was for my mouse porn site Squeaky Clean  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look at the photo <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What colour was the Tuesday mouse<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A grey brown colour <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What colour was the mouse you found in the unbaited humane mouse trap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Black I have already told you so dim boy  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not nice <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stan there are times that I love you so much that I could eat you <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I enjoy those moments <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But at other times I could drop you from the tallest of buildings <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You just misunderstand me Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No I understand you Stan but the trouble is that you do not understand yourself <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

STAN  What’s wrong Jane  I have found a mouse in the house  You are a poet Jane  What  Mouse in the house it rhymes  Fuck Off Stan  Where is the mouse Jane  It’s here  Where is here  In the humane mouse trap  Wow that is a surprise as I baited it last night  There was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12531","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12531"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12531\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12532,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12531\/revisions\/12532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12531"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12531"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12531"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}