{"id":12544,"date":"2023-01-21T18:21:22","date_gmt":"2023-01-21T18:21:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=12544"},"modified":"2023-01-21T18:28:41","modified_gmt":"2023-01-21T18:28:41","slug":"woman-masturbating-behind-a-beautiful-spoon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/21\/woman-masturbating-behind-a-beautiful-spoon\/","title":{"rendered":"Woman Masturbating behind a Beautiful Spoon<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What do you think of this years show<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is much like last years <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you think that the people liked my landscape <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is the best in the room <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Liar <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I had known that there were so many landscapes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would have chosen a different subject <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yours is the best work here <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It breathes Sussex <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stan I painted the Berkshire Downs <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sorry but both counties look so alike <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In your dreams <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think that is Michael White over there <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who is he <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He is this years judge <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is he an artist <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course he is he owns the White House Gallery on the seafront <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is nice <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do wish that you would take more interest Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe next year you can enter a work <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not an artist Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neither am I <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rubbish you are a talented artist <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ladies and Gentleman <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think that they have decided on the winners <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It gives me great pleasure to introduce to our judge Mr Michael White <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He does not look like an artist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shut up Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good Evening Barton I think that most of you know me already <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have lived in this beautiful town for twenty-eight years and the gallery is six years old in June <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think you have won Jane <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop it Stan you are making me nervous <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I must say that the quality of all the submitted works was of an extraordinary standard this year and judging has been nearly impossible <\/p>\n\n\n\n

zzzzzz<\/p>\n\n\n\n

STAN <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I have drawn a list up of the top three which I will read in reverse order <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In third place Miriam Stoker for Autumn Morning <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I though it was an abstract <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHHHH<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In second place Sussex Landscape by Jane Beatrice William <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well done Jane you deserve it <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Off you go <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stan I feel that this is a giant step for me thank you so much for believing in me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the winner of the Barton on Sea ——<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Gosh this is a long title <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is Woman Masturbating behind a Beautiful Spoon with images of Tasmanian Lavender Fields in the distance <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh I almost forgot the artist is Stuart Stanley William <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You bastard Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is me behind the spoon <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not know where to put my face <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So no congratulations <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck Off I though that was a private painting <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Between you and me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am no artist but I wanted to shake them up <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are going to die Stan slowly and painfully <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr William you may bring your lady wife up if you so wish <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two brilliant artists under one roof you must be so proud of each other <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One traditional and one so radical <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Barton on Sea celebrates you <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stan <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are you going to do with your prize <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are you going to do with your prize <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buy some more art equipment <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have no plans <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did you not tell me that you were entering a painting <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought it would be a surprise <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some fucking surprise <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have also got some more good news <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You saw me chatting to the mayor <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well he has asked me if I wanted to sell my work <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes he asked if I would sell it to add to towns collection\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They have some quite famous artists in their collection\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He offered me eight hundred pounds <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What did you say <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes of course <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Five hundred plus eight hundred is thirteen hundred pounds <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not going to pose for you again <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I will need to advertise for a life model <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you any friends <\/p>\n\n\n\n

OUCH <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What do you think of this years show It is much like last years  Do you think that the people liked my landscape  It is the best in the room  Liar  If I had known that there were so many landscapes  I would have chosen a different subject  Yours is the best work here  It […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12544"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12547,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12544\/revisions\/12547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}