I had a female friend <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still have a female friend <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who is the most intelligent woman I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She shares the same shelf as me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is no disputing this fact <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But she is also one of the ugliest women I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is acknowledged openly by my friend <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have a very beautiful mother <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who is ageing like a fine wine <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I have inherited her looks <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We both agree that there is a God <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is pretty obvious to us both<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As someone somewhere has a sense of humour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I once asked my female friend that if God<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knocked on her door one evening and offered her beauty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of her considerable intellect would she agree <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She said that she would decline as she felt comfortable <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In her own masses of skin and fat<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what a brain such a brain <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Beauty is a small price to pay <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thanked her for her honest answer <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She then asked me had I ever seen a woman so beautiful <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That she would remain in my memory <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told her that my wife was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then you are a happy and content man <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am a happy and content man <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But away from your wife have you ever seen a woman so beautiful <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That she took your breath away <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I said that this had happened most recently in Canterbury <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On a warm summers day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife and I had just left the railway station of the east <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we saw a jewess so beautiful that we both remarked on it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But she was the saddest person I had ever seen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her raven eyes seemed totally devoid of life <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A passing mystery it puzzled and troubled me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until I noticed her orthodox husband <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Standing at the bottom of the path <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was considerably older than her and already fat <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The marriage had possibly been arranged <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hoped that it was not consanguineous <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This woman was so beautiful that it should have been celebrated <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The world should have celebrated her beauty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like the Afghan Girl <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I knew that she would drop children one after another <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And that she would turn to fat and her beauty would fade <\/p>\n\n\n\n
(as the Afghan Girl had lost her beauty)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her raven hair would turn stress grey and become wiry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although the eyes would not change (eyes never change)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The angry ravens would remain there to her last day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I decided to use the toilet at the base of the path <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And for some reason her husband followed me in <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As he stood next to me pissing I had a great urge to kill him <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But nothing happened and our meeting (if it was one) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Passed without incident and he walked sternly towards his wife <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then they disappeared from our day<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Into the hollow history I imagined <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My friend asked me whether this was fact or fiction <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I do play mind games with her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something of each I admitted <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you have any other stories <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But they are for another day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will tell you about the wedding guest <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who sat next to me on the sea wall <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And told me that she was troubled <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A light touch on the arm <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A smile <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our separate ways <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had a female friend I still have a female friend Who is the most intelligent woman I know She shares the same shelf as me There is no disputing this fact But she is also one of the ugliest women I know This is acknowledged openly by my friend I have a very beautiful […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13145"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13148,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13145\/revisions\/13148"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}