I used to travel a lot in Europe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was a Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you a Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No just Joe Jackson from Bow <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I always wore Samurai tee shirts<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blue Black Red and White <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai is longer with us <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is he dead <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No he still works at the greengrocers <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you have any holiday memories <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Would you share them with my paper<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No problem <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I once travelled to Fuerteventura <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a girl called Richards <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is an odd name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was her second name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She hated her first name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Would you like to be called Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is my name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sorry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I agree is is a gross name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was well out of my league <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A posh Jewish girl from North London <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How did you meet her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She came into the greengrocers shop <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And asked for a upmarket carrot <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Upmarket carrot do they exist <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not that I know of <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She asked me if I was a Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told her I was <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then she asked if I would like to travel to Fuerteventura <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told her that the 69 bus no longer travelled there <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the next thing I knew was I was on a plane <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you fancy her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rotten <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She ticked all my boxes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Raven hair <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Raven eyes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Huge tits <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shakespeare’s Dark Lady<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Need I go on <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But she made it clear that I was the guy who would be there to stop men bothering her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After all I was a Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was true to her word <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As we slept in different rooms <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted her so badly but as a Samurai you must always follow the code <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The code <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes the Code of Honour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The most erotic thing that happened was when she showed me her collection of bikinis <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wow <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes I was a Lucky Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But hey ho it was a free holiday and I knew that I was in no danger of arrest * <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then it happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You slept with her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No such luck <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please explain <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the second day she said that she would like to explore the dunes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dunes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes they were about a mile distant from the town <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I agreed as I imagined that no Samurai had visited the dunes before and I knew that Japan would be proud of me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was more than a fucking mile more like three and Richards decided to stop on the highest dune with views to the sea and a hut selling orange juice <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened then <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think I died <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sorry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She undressed fully in front of me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was not disappointed as she had the most beautiful body I had ever seen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I noted great tits and a trimmed landing strip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Landing strip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her pubes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh I see <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have never heard it called that before <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was raven like her hair <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I longed to land there <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A trip to Brazil <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Come again <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted to fuck her but knew it was out of bounds <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She told me to undress as it was a nudist beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told her that she had made me excited and as a Samurai I should not show any signs of sexual excitement <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Richards said that she found it flattering if men on beaches became hard over her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I undressed <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a hard on<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened next <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We went for a swim <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then shared an orange drink <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Naked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Very much <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did anything else happen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not much <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you remain hard <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No the sea was cool <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We spent about three hours there and then returned to the villa <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her father owned it by the way <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He must have been rich <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She said he was a property developer <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That fits <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What were your feelings <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought it was only a matter of time as I had seen every inch of her body <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you touch her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a way <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Explain <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She asked me to apply her sun oil <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At first I applied it respectfully not touching her more intimate regions <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Code of Honour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then she told me to stop acting like a faggot and do it properly <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Image I was an artist working in oils <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Artist <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another of her insults was that I was working in watercolours <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Samurai never work with watercolour paints <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The must of confused you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was a walking orgasm <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shower after shower after shower if you get my drift <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I masturbated in the shower <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really that seems a sensible place to do it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I might give it a try <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is it like <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well you have erotic thoughts about the shower head <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did the Code of Honour say about it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing and that has always confused me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was there a outcome <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes we went dinner (my treat) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But nothing else <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was totally fucked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Zero zero zero zero <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I slept like a baby but was in for a shock in the morning <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because we were not alone <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A holiday rep was in the apartment <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which company <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas Cook I think <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was wearing the company polo shirt <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But only the company polo shirt <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was a little shocked you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why did she have a landing strip like Richards <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai are not easily shocked you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But in answer to your question she was totally shaven <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was obvious to me that they had spent the night together <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But on further enquires I found out that she had rocked up in the middle of the night pissed as a newt and the reason that she was half naked was that she had pissed or shit herself <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her shorts and panties were on the line in the sunshine <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They were nearly dry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you uncomfortable <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No it seemed that I was on drugs or my coffee had been spiked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Had it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was just living the ultimate male fantasy and nightmare <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you go to the beach that day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The nudist beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What about you Code of Honour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was long gone <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was in Heaven <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We spent all day on that beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was getting so brown that I thought I would get stopped at customs <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first time in my life I was completely happy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two beautiful women <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Totally naked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One Raven the other blonde <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I really thought I was dead <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Samurai never die <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did it get better <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What do you mean <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was a three on the horizon <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought so as Maureen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maureen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The rep <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Came back to the apartment with us <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought it was a matter of time <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then please tell as I am getting a little wet <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wet <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes even Guardian journalists get wet <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But do not worry as I always carry a spare pair with me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sorry<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knickers silly <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A girls best friend <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first rule of journalism <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Always carry a clean pair of knickers <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sensible knickers <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Does The Code of Honour mention that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because Samurai do not wear knickers <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That figures <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Carry on with your story <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened I really cannot stand it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because I passed out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too much sun you see <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What a cunt <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I passed out because I was a wimp <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did they nurse you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I suppose they did <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I cannot remember it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This Samurai was in poor shape and what made it worse was that the villa was empty when I came to my senses <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Empty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Richards had left a note <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did it say <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was brief <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She told me that after a night of passion she had fallen in love with Maureen and that they were on their way to Italy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Romantic Italy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I was welcome to stay in the villa as long as I wanted <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How did you feel <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Deflated <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This Samurai cried <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai warriors do not cry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Poor you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes poor me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I left the next day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And as luck would have it I was stopped at customs even thought I was clean <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was okay because as soon as I told them I was a Samurai they waved me through <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It scarred me a little you know as I did not want to go to prison * <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you think I am attractive <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a way yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But you do not have much competition do you as most women who work at the Guardian are fat ugly and have sideburns <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is very true <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Would you take me to Fuerteventura <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because I have never been there and am very attracted by the idea of nudism <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am no longer a Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I guessed that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lets go and see what happens and if you are very good then I might show you my tattoo <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tattoo <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where is it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On my butt cheek <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is it a rose or a violet <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No just Jeremy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then we will go in about two weeks <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fab <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do not forget your spare panties Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is no need <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because I will not be wearing any Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
History does not always go in circles you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I used to travel a lot in Europe When I was a Samurai Samurai Yes Samurai Samurai Were you a Samurai No just Joe Jackson from Bow I always wore Samurai tee shirts Blue Black Red and White Samurai No Joe Samurai is longer with us Is he dead No he still works at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13989"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13989\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13992,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13989\/revisions\/13992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}