Coming soon <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Showing Now <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daily at 7:45 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Matinees Wednesday and Saturday <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My name is Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai is still in prison <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your previous story was made into a movie <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was very successful <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A sleeper <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Low budget <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lots of female flesh <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Beavers and all <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A sure winner <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to work with Mandy on the Guardian <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How is she <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Very happy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We are expecting <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Congratulations Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you thought of a name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hammy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is an unusual choice<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is quite a common name for a hamster <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hamster <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought that Mandy was heavy with child <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No more than me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is an easy mistake to make <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tell me about Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well she is rather tall like me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She is blonde <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And has great tits and shaves her cunt as she finds it cleaner <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was asking about your relationship after she interviewed you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well it was love at first sight <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We went to Fuerteventura<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took her to the dunes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We spent two weeks naked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And really fell in love <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we also booked a holiday in Lanzarote <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And that is where it all went wrong<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you fall out with Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No far from it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody falls out with with Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She is a peaceful person <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So in your own time what happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was on the second day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mandy and I were walking near the beach<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When a couple of blacks approached us <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What were your first thoughts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That they were Mormons or at least connected with an evangelist church <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were they <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Muggers<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They tried to sell us some fake watches <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pretended that I did not speak French but that did not work <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was then that Mandy stepped in and said <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rape me but leave him alone and I do not want your fucking watches <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fuck off back to where you come from <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In French <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
English <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No Chinese <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened next <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing but one of them called her a fucking white whore under his breath <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In French <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This provoked me and I was going to give him a piece of my mind <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody speaks to my English Rose like that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then quick as a flash Mandy took my Samurai sword from me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did she do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Studied the History of the Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She sliced the cunts head off with one blow <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you shocked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes very <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As my Samurai sword was for ceremonial use only and was not to be used to decapitate illegals selling dodgy watches <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you read the Code of Honour it says that quite clearly on page twenty-eight <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Describe your feelings <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well I felt erotic again as Mandy had fucked me so hard that she had almost inherited my dick <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No not that Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What were your emotional feelings <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had none <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The head had ended up in the seating of a burger bar but nobody had noticed it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did you say to Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I congratulated her on the dexterity of her stroke <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was superb I could have not bettered it in battle <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you been to Hastings <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is a strange question Keith <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hastings is near Battle in Sussex <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mandy was strangely calm as her Laura Ashley had some blood splatter <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blood is such a bitch to get out no matter what the adverts tell you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will stop you there <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because my battery has run out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Replace it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No my battery has run away as it cannot stomach violence <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here is Mandy’s vibrator battery it should do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Does she use a vibrator <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No I do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Okay lets catch up <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are standing opposite me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I am <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What were your thoughts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That the cops would arrive soon <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The other illegal had run off <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was sure he was going to the cops <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did he <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think about it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did the cops arrive <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who called them <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A rather nice lady from Germany <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As she found a head next to her table <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did it terrify her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because she worked in the City of London <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And wanted to get ahead in life <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was very ambitious <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was then that I decided to take the rap <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mandy was innocent <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cops finally arrived as there had been reports of homosexual activity on the beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I confessed <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To the homosexual activity on the beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No I am not a faggot <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I confessed to decapitating the illegal <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did they do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not much <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They took my name and address <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And asked me why I had acted in such a manner <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told them the whole story <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did they arrest you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The captain said that I might go down <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This I took very seriously as I have never gone down on a man in my life <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Women yes but never a man as I am no faggot <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think he might have meant that you would go to prison <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did Mandy do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not much apart from saying that she was going to move the tattoo of Jeremy nearer to her arsehole and was planning a likeness of me on her other butt cheek <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was so deeply in love <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would do anything for her <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would serve time for Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To cut a long story short I was found guilty but I have the feeling that the judicial system was not that interested as they found these watch sellers a problem <\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the trial I found out that forty-six of the said sellers had died at the hands of fucked off Samurai’s in five years<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I plea bargained with the judge and ended up with two choices <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Forty days in a women’s prison in Cadiz or painting the beach furniture on Paradise Beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did you choose <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted the death penalty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is no death penalty in Spain <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was mostly abolished in 1978<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you disappointed <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being a martyr appeals to me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did you get <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was told to pick my punishment from a hat <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your ticket <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Paradise Beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How long <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eternity and a day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are kidding <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A week and a day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A day for the murder <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And a week for making a mess on the general area <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was it hard<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is a strange question as I have have never heard of erections in a court of law <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No the painting of the beach furniture <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was great fun as they had decided to use primary colours that season <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Red and Blue mainly and White <\/p>\n\n\n\n
White is not a colour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told them that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did they do <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reduced my sentence by a day <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was helped by two urban terrorists who had assassinated ministers in various European countries <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I learned a lot about beach furniture and the politics of terrorism <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was incredibly interesting <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did Mandy stand by you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No she was fucking the Home Secretary to gain my early release <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did she gain an early release for you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No the Home Secretary was more into buggering boys than buggering Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How horrible for you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I agree <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did it work out in the end <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Very much <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mandy returned to the island and we spent the rest of the summer painting the beach furniture in various resorts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We visited each of the Canary Islands <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And of late have set up a business in Fuerteventura<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So Oxford Circus was not really convenient for you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A little inconvenient but with the movie coming out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought it would be fun <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank You Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank You Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samurai <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh I forgot one last question <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did Mandy have a likeness of you tattooed on her butt cheek <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes it was very lifelike <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here are some photographs please ignore the explicit ones <\/p>\n\n\n\n
May I have one <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be my guest <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This one <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not a problem <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She is such a gymnast <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will frame it for you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mandy will sign it for you also<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That would be lovely <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Any particular message <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wet over you Cyril <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought you were named Keith <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keith is my journalists name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is Mandy Mandy’s real name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although we all call her Maureen in the office <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fin <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Coming soon Showing Now Daily at 7:45 Matinees Wednesday and Saturday Samurai My name is Joe Samurai is still in prison Your previous story was made into a movie It was very successful A sleeper Low budget Lots of female flesh Beavers and all A sure winner I used to work with Mandy on the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13993","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13993","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13993"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13993\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13998,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13993\/revisions\/13998"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13993"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13993"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13993"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}