I have a microwave <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have just figured it out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can now use the microwave <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wow Joe Wow <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the fucking thing has blown up <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I need to buy a new microwave <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And have checked the options online <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am totally confused <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sometimes wish I was a woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I am not a pervert giving in to disgusting fetishes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are so many to choose from <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In many colours with the exception of lavender or dove grey<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They vary widely in price and size <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Away from microwaves for a moment it bothers me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why the West (which is not all that bad) is hated <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By others who we do not consider that nice <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I have now discovered the reason why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was obvious all along <\/p>\n\n\n\n
it is the music that accompanies these advertisements <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One microwave used the talents of Chopin in its ad <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another for some reason thought The Planets was a good choice <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It fried my fucking the brain it has really microwaved my vacancy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The one I settled for found soothing Spanish guitar music an option <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another reason that I chose it was that it promised not to contaminate <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My potatoes in their jackets or make my korma curry radioactive <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the main reason apart from Joe lacking the ability to cook <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was that the actress (down on her luck) who hosted the advert <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Appeared to be of Scandinavian decent which appealed greatly to me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I am very attracted to beautiful blond women <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Indeed I am married to a very beautiful blond woman <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although she comes from village near Stoke on Trent <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I placed my order on Amazon listening to the Spanish guitar <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And watching Helga moving smoothly around the kitchen<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wondered if one was living in war zone<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Somewhere in the world <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With hardware raining down on a daily basis <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would happen if my microwave fucked up <\/p>\n\n\n\n
(given that that I had an electrical supply in the first place) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would look online and find that instead of it being a simple selection <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would be drowned with choices and the awful fucking music <\/p>\n\n\n\n
An impossibly beautiful woman moves around a sparkling house <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her impossibly beautiful children are home from their perfect school <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And are waiting with an eager anticipation at a beautiful wooden table <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cupboards are well stocked as is the chic refrigerator with a see thru door <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life is good Life is so very good as God is smiling on his chosen people <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The West is in a terminal decline and it is obvious to those who think <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That there are no really simple solutions to be found<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But one might start with the short lived microwaves
Joe <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have a microwave I have just figured it out I can now use the microwave Wow Joe Wow But the fucking thing has blown up I need to buy a new microwave And have checked the options online I am totally confused I sometimes wish I was a woman But I am not a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16874","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16874"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16874\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16886,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16874\/revisions\/16886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16874"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16874"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16874"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}