{"id":18762,"date":"2024-01-31T11:04:13","date_gmt":"2024-01-31T11:04:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=18762"},"modified":"2024-01-31T17:08:27","modified_gmt":"2024-01-31T17:08:27","slug":"joe-v-the-pigs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2024\/01\/31\/joe-v-the-pigs\/","title":{"rendered":"Joe v The Pigs"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hi Pete fancy meeting you here <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We always meet here mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On platform seven at Peterborough Station  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Any good suicides recently <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not really a couple of depressives <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And a crip in a wheelchair <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is always quiet at this time of year <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You cannot rely on anyone these days <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What about you Pete <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Has it been a good week <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Good and bad <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Linda has left me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well that is the good out of the way <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She went to visit her sister in Dover <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And fucked off with an illegal <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Can she swim <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ha Ha I like that one mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No she cannot swim too fat to get into her swimming costume <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She should lean to swim <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I agree as a few more drowned a couple of days ago <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was in the papers <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you know mate I could not sleep <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I thought you hated the filth <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I do <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I dislocated my jaw laughing <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And had to see that faggot doctor <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What did he say <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He gave me some Viagra and told me to be kind to people <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What a cunt <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I agree <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What have you been doing <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For the last week I have been watching trains on the GWR <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You really like your trains <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Or did you have an ulterior motive <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You know me too well <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There were seven in a week <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">All between Paddington and Reading <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Seven women two chaps and two dogs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dogs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes they were with blind people taking short cuts <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nothing survives those bloody rails <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I was also arrested <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What did you do <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Fuck all <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I was just waiting for a possible suicide <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He\/She looked very depressed <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When this cop came up to me and asked what I was doing <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Spotting trains I said <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But he saw straight through me and said that I was waiting for the next jumper <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Joe can I stop you there <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You said you saw a cop <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Did you not think that unusual <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Come to think of it yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But long story short I was arrested and taken to the pig farm <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For what <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A hate crime <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Watching a saddo jump in front of a train is now a hate crime <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But as it was my arrest coincided with a visit from the chief constable <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She came up to me and enquired about my customer experience <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Was she a looker <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Far from it she was a size twenty dyke with a weird hair cut <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is getting like that mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are no longer blokes in senior positions in the police force <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Rules are rules in this brave new world <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I just sat there and thought how fucking ugly she was <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Even if I was a dyke I would not have fucked her<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do dykes fuck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would imagine so but not in the way we fuck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The proper way <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I sat there thinking that this is the reason that the country has gone to the dogs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The police have become all political <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is chaos on the streets but what do they worry about <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Fucking hate crimes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Joe if I hated you would that be a hate crime <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If I was a faggot yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But if you hated me because I was a cunt no <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is all very confusing <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This said they are not even <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It depends on what type of hate crime <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My mate Saul is Jewish and he has all kind of shit thrown at him <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Good guy Saul <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I often fuck Rachel <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would but he is a mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But leave room for me Pete <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Going back he reports this to the pigs and nothing gets done <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then he says to them that he will take matters into his own hands <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They jump on to him like flies on a shit <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They tell him that it is his fault <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yep <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But they let the true hate crimes go <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you get senior politicians opening their gobs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your favourite <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Oh him <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The world has gone mad <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you know William <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A bit <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well he lives near a beach in Kent <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One morning he found a suspicious object at low tide <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A drowned migrant <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No such luck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am all ears <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He found something that looked like a mine <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He rang the pigs immediately <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And they told him to report it on their website <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On the fucking beach do me a favour <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They also asked how he knew it was a mine <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He told them it was a possible mine <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Three fucking days it look them <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Think of how many dogs could have been blown up <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Good thing I hate dogs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And then they showed up and it was found to be benign <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not a word of thanks though for being a good citizen <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He wrote to the chief constable but she was away on some jolly <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I think it was better in the days of the Sweeney <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You knew where you stood in those days <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Liberties were taken <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nobody gave a fuck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They have cancelled the trains <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Incident somewhere <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We have missed a suicide you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What is fucking wrong with Peterborough <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Too middle class if you ask me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am going to hop on the sixty nine <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">See you here next week <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Same time same place <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sorry to hear about Linda <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I did not fucking like the fat bitch <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Give Rachel my regards <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Will do  <br><br><br><br><br>Joe &amp; Pete <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hi Pete fancy meeting you here We always meet here mate On platform seven at Peterborough Station Any good suicides recently Not really a couple of depressives And a crip in a wheelchair It is always quiet at this time of year You cannot rely on anyone these days What about you Pete Has it [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18762"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18762\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18767,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18762\/revisions\/18767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}