Joe the funniest thing just happened to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was ****** ****** hit by a train<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No much more rewarding than that<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am all ears<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well you know that you order a weekly shop<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well it was delivered about half an hour ago<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was on time for once<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Very much<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was as the chap was giving me the cheap plastic bags<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That we noticed one of the senile old gits from Nelson Mandela Avenue walking towards the Plum Van<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He appeared to be carrying a bag full of decaying food waste<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It might have been a kebab delivery<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No it was worse than that<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said something to the driver which he could not understand<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was it Peter Paul<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But his English is good<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was nothing to do with that Joe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then why<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The old git was using semaphore<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He might have been the navy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do they use semaphore in the navy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No they shout at each other<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The old fool then threw his bag into the van and broke a bottle of tomato sauce<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It went everywhere<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened next<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The driver left it in the gutter for the poor people<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I was there Josie<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where are you Joe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the Middle East<\/p>\n\n\n\n
WHAT<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why the fuck are you there<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is so dangerous with all the missiles and sloanes in the sky<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Josie are you on something<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bog as I am having a shit<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why are you in the Middle East<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am doing a poetry reading<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You might get taken hostage<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What in Beccles<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You did not say that to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I described the location Josie<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joe will you answer a question for me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fire away<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why do you order so many bags of cheap groceries<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am giving something back to the community<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is so sweet of you<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am proud to be your twin sister<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is that where you disappear<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes I give the groceries to the local food banks<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are a true Christian Joe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Far from it Josie as there is a method in my madness<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As you might notice I always buy the shit and out of date offers<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is beautifully logical<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In what way<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As you know I do not really approve of the people who use food banks<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They are so common have no fashion sense and often smell<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do not like the way this is going Joe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Logically if they eat all this shit for long enough then they will face mortality at a younger age and this lovely town of ours will be fit for humans once again<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joe you are no longer my brother<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Josie I will be back at about eight and will be tired Sis<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Would you be an angel and have some dinner ready for me so I can watch the match<\/p>\n\n\n\n
!!!! !!! Joe <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Joe the funniest thing just happened to me Was ****** ****** hit by a train No much more rewarding than that I am all ears Well you know that you order a weekly shop Yes Well it was delivered about half an hour ago It was on time for once Very much It was as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20063","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20063","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20063"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20063\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20064,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20063\/revisions\/20064"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20063"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20063"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20063"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}