Ethan Frome and Summer were in Bexhill on Sea<\/p>\n
They were visiting<\/p>\n
The De La Warr Pavilion<\/p>\n
As they walked from the railway station to the sea front they passed a fish and chip shop<\/p>\n
They were not hungry<\/p>\n
But stopped to look at the television which was tuned to a news channel<\/p>\n
The Pope was near death<\/i><\/p>\n
The saddened Ethan as he too had been a goalkeeper<\/p>\n
Before a shoulder injury curtailed his career<\/p>\n
His last club had been a small football club which played in the Dutch Eredivis<\/i>ie without much success\u00a0
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
The Pope had also been a goalkeeper in his native Poland<\/p>\n
Bebita Brooks was a waitress at the The De La Warr Pavilion<\/p>\n
She loved her job and often spent her lunch breaks on the sun terrace<\/p>\n
Summer was sitting on the beach in front of the pavilion<\/p>\n
She was wearing a fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n
Bebita Brooks was sitting on a lounger on the sun terrace<\/p>\n
She too was wearing a fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n
Angela of the Crimes was investigating a robbery in a house not far from the De La Warr Pavilion<\/p>\n
She was wearing a fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n
I think the theft of the crystal was a blind <\/i><\/p>\n
To deter us from the true nature of the crime <\/i><\/p>\n
A painting has been stolen <\/i><\/p>\n
The painting was called <\/i><\/p>\n
L\u2019Origine du monde \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
Ethan was sitting on the beach in front of the pavilion<\/p>\n
He was watching the aircraft descending on their approach to Gatwick Airport<\/p>\n
Karol Wojtyla was hovering just above the surface of the sea<\/p>\n
He was blessing each plane as it passed overhead<\/p>\n
On the road behind the pavilion a parade passed through the town<\/p>\n
Soldiers on their way to Hastings<\/p>\n
Left left left right left<\/i><\/p>\n
Angela of the Crimes was looking out of the bay window<\/p>\n
A storm was brewing and she could see the white outriders advancing in front of the grey storm clouds<\/p>\n
Do you know that between 1815 and 1820 that Edgar Allan Poe lived in England?<\/i><\/p>\n
No<\/i><\/p>\n
I did not know that <\/i><\/p>\n
Did she live in Bexhill on Sea? <\/i><\/p>\n
Sergeant Lovibond<\/i><\/p>\n
Yes sir<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em> Edgar Allan Poe had a penis and therefore was a man <\/i><\/p>\n Sorry sir<\/i><\/p>\n In answer to your question there is no indication that Edgar Allan Poe ever lived in Bexhill on Sea <\/i><\/p>\n Angela of the Crimes looked at her sergeant as she moved around the large bright room in a rather staccato fashion<\/p>\n The sergeants heavy breasts dangled like cows udders as she examined the various works of art that the owner of the house had placed only six inches above his luxury lavender carpet<\/p>\n Do you realise that by the time you are forty that you will have lost any firmness in your breasts<\/i><\/p>\n I do not think I have any firmness in my breasts sir <\/i><\/p>\n Sergeant Lovibond stood up and faced Angela of the Crimes<\/p>\n She looked lopsided in her police issue loincloth and navy blue was certainly not her colour<\/p>\n Sir<\/i><\/p>\n Sergeant<\/em><\/p>\n This painting that we suppose has been stolen what was the subject matter?<\/i><\/p>\n A portrait?<\/i><\/p>\n No<\/i><\/p>\n A seascape?<\/i><\/p>\n No<\/i><\/p>\n A landscape <\/i><\/p>\n No again<\/i><\/p>\n That\u2019s me exhausted what was the subject matter sir? <\/i><\/p>\n A cunt <\/i><\/p>\n A cunt?<\/i><\/p>\n Yes it was a painting of a woman’s cunt serargent why do you think it had such a title?<\/i><\/p>\n What was the title?<\/i><\/p>\n L\u2019Origine du monde\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n The origin of the world <\/i><\/p>\n That\u2019s a strange title sir <\/i><\/p>\n No it has a very simple title sergeant <\/i><\/p>\n I am still not with you sir <\/i><\/p>\n Do you have pubic hair sergeant? <\/i><\/p>\n Yes sir<\/i><\/p>\n Describe your pubic hair to me sergeant <\/i><\/p>\n Well it is the same colour as the hair on me head ginger like<\/i><\/p>\n Remove your loincloth sergeant<\/i><\/p>\n Angela of the Crimes looked at her colleague\u2019s mass of ginger public hair<\/p>\n You know that you will never gain promotion sergeant<\/i><\/p>\n Why sir? <\/i><\/p>\n Because when you attain the rank of Chief Inspector you are required to shave your cunt and I believe that you would run into disciplinary problems quite quickly judging by the rate your pubic hair grows <\/i><\/p>\n Are you shaven sir?<\/i><\/p>\n Of course it was the first thing I did when I received the letter confirming my promotion <\/i><\/p>\n My cunt is as smooth as the vase you are holding <\/i><\/p>\n May I look at your cunt sir as I am keen to progress through the ranks <\/i><\/p>\n Of course<\/i><\/p>\n Angela of the Crimes removed her orange swimsuit<\/p>\n See not one hair<\/i><\/p>\n Touch it if you will<\/i><\/p>\n Sergeant Lovibond placed her hand on Angela\u2019s cunt <\/i><\/p>\n So smooth sir so smooth <\/i><\/p>\n May I touch yours Lydia?<\/i><\/p>\n And that was the tableau that Colonel Price-Wallis saw when he entered the room<\/p>\n He was carrying a copy of L\u2019Origine du monde\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n Perhaps this will help Chief Inspector my wife copied our painting during a church outing two years ago <\/i><\/p>\n Just in case it was stolen from us <\/i><\/p>\n Thank you sir <\/i><\/p>\n Do think you will track it down?<\/i><\/p>\n That is hard to say sir it is most probably in Hastings as we speak <\/i><\/p>\n I know that you will do your best <\/i><\/p>\n I do despise these blind crimes so <\/i><\/p>\n Yes sir these criminals are despicable the scum of the earth <\/i><\/p>\n Do you know that Edgar Allan Poe lived in this house between 1815 and 1820?<\/i><\/p>\n No I did not know that sir<\/i><\/p>\n Thank you for telling me <\/i><\/p>\n Bebita Brooks was sitting on a lounger on the sun terrace of the De La Warr Pavilion<\/p>\n She was wearing a fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n Bebita Brooks suddenly became aware of a Negro baby flying and landing and flying and landing on the sunlit sun terrace<\/p>\n She waved to the baby and it settled on her knee<\/p>\n And what is your name and does your mother know that you are flying around the pavilion unaccompanied? <\/i><\/p>\n I do not have a mother <\/i><\/p>\n Is she dead?<\/i><\/p>\n No I do not have a mother<\/i><\/p>\n I was not born of a mother <\/i><\/p>\n That is sad <\/i><\/p>\n I have always existed here in the De La Warr Pavilion<\/i><\/p>\n I fly when it is open and sleep when it is closed <\/i><\/p>\n I love the De La Warr Pavilion<\/i><\/p>\n That is why I work here it makes me so happy <\/i><\/p>\n How long have you worked here? <\/i><\/p>\n Since I was born <\/i><\/p>\n What do you do?<\/i><\/p>\n I am a waitress in the main restaurant and sometimes act up as a guide if we have parties from abroad visiting the pavilion<\/i>\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n God is Dead you know<\/i><\/p>\n Is he?<\/i><\/p>\n Yes and only a void now exists <\/i><\/p>\n That is sad I rather liked God <\/i><\/p>\n Look over those rails what do you see? <\/i><\/p>\n The beach in front of pavilion and beyond that the sea <\/i><\/p>\n I can see Ethan and Summer sitting on the pebbles <\/i><\/p>\n Can you see the Pope? <\/i><\/p>\n No <\/i><\/p>\n The Pope is dying <\/i><\/p>\n I am sad to hear that news he was such an able goalkeeper in his youth<\/i><\/p>\n Yes even goalkeepers die <\/i><\/p>\n Ethan can see the Pope <\/i><\/p>\n He loves the Pope<\/i><\/p>\n God is Dead you know<\/i><\/p>\n Is he?<\/i><\/p>\n Yes and now only a void exists <\/i><\/p>\n That is sad I rather liked God <\/i><\/p>\n We are all existing in a void <\/i><\/p>\n Is this a void?<\/i><\/p>\n Sure is<\/i><\/p>\n But today is so beautiful<\/i><\/p>\n What a beautiful void it is <\/i><\/p>\n Voids do not have to be hostile <\/i><\/p>\n What will the Pope think when he finally arrives at the pearly gates and finds them closed? <\/i><\/p>\n That is a clich\u00e9 <\/i><\/p>\n Nothing exists I have been there <\/i><\/p>\n But you are a baby a rather beautiful baby if you do not mind me saying so <\/i><\/p>\n Babies are wiser that philosophers <\/i><\/p>\n You are certainly wise <\/i><\/p>\n And you are beautiful <\/i><\/p>\n Thank you <\/i><\/p>\n The day is beautiful but God is Dead<\/i><\/p>\n Voids do not have to be hostile<\/i><\/p>\n Bebita Brooks looked into the huge brown eyes of the baby<\/p>\n She could see into the universe and beyond and this frightened her<\/p>\n The baby sensing her alarm turned his head and laughed at a passing seagull who was stealing the remains a sandwich carelessly abandoned<\/p>\n I will leave you now Bebita Brooks be careful not to burn<\/i><\/p>\n Beauty must not be harmed<\/i><\/p>\n Ethan Frome and Summer were still on the beach<\/p>\n Summer was now sitting up and reading a book about Pope Joan<\/p>\n She had stolen it from the main library in the De La Warr Pavilion\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n Ethan was thinking of his football career which had ended abruptly after twenty-eight minutes of a match in Rotterdam when his own centre half fell on him dislocating his shoulder<\/p>\n Although in pain Ethan fully expected to recover in time for the games later in the season (for the injury occured on a frozen January afternoon)<\/i> but his shoulder had been fatally weakened and his career as a goalkeeper was for all intents and purposes over.<\/p>\n He would never play top flight football again<\/p>\n This fact made him sad as he adored the game<\/p>\n Hastings United had signed him on a non-contract basis and during the previous season he had played six games for them<\/p>\n But his injury was so severe that he was constantly in pain after games<\/p>\n So he gave up football altogether<\/p>\n Save for a charity matches<\/p>\n And even then he played on the field<\/p>\n Usually at left full back<\/p>\n Which was surprising as he was mainly right footed<\/p>\n He had met Summer at the De La Warr Pavilion\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n During a charity evening<\/p>\n She was an ex-policewoman who had grown tired of law and order and had decided to steal paintings from the wealthy in Hastings and elsewhere in the locality<\/p>\n Hidden in sack under her fluorescent orange parasol was the painting that she had stolen during the blind theft some hours earlier<\/p>\n Nudity on the beach in Bexhill on Sea was not encouraged unless one was in the act of getting changed and it was because of this that she kept the painting hidden in the sack <\/i><\/p>\n She knew that police were expecting the painting to be shipped abroad<\/i><\/p>\n Nobody would suspect that the girlfriend of an ex-goalkeeper in the<\/i> Dutch Eredivisie would have stolen the painting <\/i><\/p>\n As an ex-policewoman she knew how the police thought and worked <\/i><\/p>\n She had never progressed beyond the grade of the average constable because she refused to remove her Brazilian <\/i><\/p>\n Brazil was her favourite country <\/i><\/p>\n And to ask her to remove her pubic hair\u00a0 in order to gain promotion was very wrong in her view She considered the request racist <\/i><\/p>\n She would suffer no intolerance against her favourite country <\/i><\/p>\n And this in short was why she turned to crime<\/i><\/p>\n Summer was sitting on the beach in front of the pavilion<\/p>\n She was wearing a fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n Which she had stolen from the Sussex Police Force<\/p>\n It was the first thing she had stolen<\/p>\n And it still excited her to think about it<\/p>\n Karol Wojtyla was hovering just above the surface of the sea<\/p>\n But he was much smaller<\/p>\n Ethan could hardly see him<\/p>\n The Pope was still blessing the passing aircraft as they flew towards Gatwick Airport<\/p>\n But he was so small they could not see him<\/p>\n Ethan walked towards the sea and swam towards the hovering Pope<\/p>\n I am so tired my son please take me in your hand <\/i><\/p>\n Ethan cupped Karol Wojtyla in his hand and returned to the beach<\/p>\n I am dying you know <\/i><\/p>\n I am aware of that Sky News has picked up on your condition sir <\/i><\/p>\n Please do not call me sir <\/i><\/p>\n For I am no better than you indeed I am your servant <\/i><\/p>\n I was a goalkeeper you know <\/i><\/p>\n So was I in the far off days in Poland <\/i><\/p>\n Do you miss it?<\/i><\/p>\n I suppose I do<\/i><\/p>\n God created football you know<\/i><\/p>\n How do you know that?<\/i><\/p>\n He told me after I played my last game <\/i><\/p>\n Really <\/i><\/p>\n He came to me when I was saying my prayers and said he had invented football on the last day of his creation because he loved man so much <\/i><\/p>\n It was his gift to man possibly the most wonderful gift he has ever given us <\/i><\/p>\n I miss playing terribly <\/i><\/p>\n So do I <\/i><\/p>\n Is this young lady your girlfriend? <\/i><\/p>\n Yes she brought me through the hard times after I finished playing <\/i><\/p>\n What is her name?<\/i><\/p>\n Summer Summer Watson <\/i><\/p>\n She is a beautiful woman what does she do for a living?<\/i><\/p>\n She is an art thief <\/i><\/p>\n I see I must say that orange is her colour <\/i><\/p>\n It really suits her complexion <\/i><\/p>\n She stole the swimsuit from the Sussex Police Force \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n She was a policewoman? \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n Yes<\/i><\/p>\n A grand occupation why did she leave? <\/i><\/p>\n Because of the rules about the length of a policewoman’s pubic hair allowable whilst serving in the junior ranks I see<\/p>\n And the enforced rules about its removal when achieving promotion to the higher ranks<\/i><\/p>\n This upset her and that is why she left the police force Rules ruin everything Ethan <\/i><\/p>\n I agree Summer is a crack shot with both a handgun and a rifle <\/i><\/p>\n She was highly trained during her time with the police<\/i><\/p>\n Many politicians are less safe due to her resignation<\/i><\/p>\n The Pope had reduced in size during the course of their conversation<\/p>\n And was now no bigger than Ethan\u2019s index finger<\/p>\n I am slipping now my child please cup you hand so that I may meet my God in your sanctuary <\/i><\/p>\n A tear ran from Ethan\u2019s eye and dropped onto the pebbles<\/p>\n Do not cry my son for I am so happy <\/i><\/p>\n I am about to meet my God<\/em><\/p>\n I am sorry my father <\/i><\/p>\n The Pope smiled and said<\/p>\n Pozwolcie mi odejsc do domu Ojca <\/i><\/p>\n Summer looked at her watch<\/p>\n It was just before half past three in the afternoon<\/p>\n She wiped the tears from Ethan\u2019s face<\/p>\n What did the Pope say to you? <\/i><\/p>\n He spoke in Polish to me <\/i><\/p>\n Did you understand his words as you speak no Polish? <\/i><\/p>\n I understood them clearly <\/i><\/p>\n What did he say?<\/i><\/p>\n He said in his quiet voice\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n Allow me to depart to the house of the Father<\/i><\/p>\n Was that all?<\/i><\/p>\n Yes that was all <\/i><\/p>\n Ethan looked into his cupped hand which was now completely empty<\/p>\n I think it is time for us to go just look at those storm clouds and the white outriders <\/i><\/p>\n Yes let us make our way to the railway station<\/p>\n Summer handed Ethan a small slip of paper<\/p>\n Here I stole this poem for you <\/i><\/p>\n Is it about football?<\/i><\/p>\n No cricket <\/i><\/p>\n You are a strange girl Summer Watson <\/i><\/p>\n Would you hold the towel up while I get changed Ethan?<\/i><\/p>\n There is no need to just check the by-laws<\/i><\/p>\n Nudity on the beach in Bexhill on Sea is not encouraged unless one was in the act of getting changed<\/i><\/p>\n Summer smiled and removed her fluorescent orange swimsuit<\/p>\n A voyeur who was hiding behind a windbreak raised his phone and started filming Summer<\/p>\n Instantly a bolt of lightning flashed down and melted his phone<\/p>\n Summer looked at the shocked voyeur<\/p>\n Sir I do not mind you watching me change but I do object to you recording the event <\/i><\/p>\n If I am of memory to you then retain my actions in your memory alone nowhere else<\/i><\/p>\n The voyeur looked at the stormy sky and began to pray for he had found God<\/p>\n As Summer put her shoes on the voyeur was struck by a second bolt of lightning and reduced to ashes<\/p>\n Why did God strike him down as he had repented his foul actions? <\/i><\/p>\n Because he was bearing false witness <\/i><\/p>\n He was looking up your skirt<\/i><\/p>\n On the train home Ethan pulled the poem that Summer had given him out of his pocket<\/p>\n I almost forgot about this <\/i><\/p>\n I have stolen many poems <\/i><\/p>\n May I read it to you? <\/i><\/p>\n Please <\/i><\/p>\n Crompton\u2019s Cricket Crust<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n On June the 28th<\/sup> Crompton made 141 not out \u00a0\u00a0<\/b> \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ethan Frome and Summer were in Bexhill on Sea They were visiting The De La Warr Pavilion As they walked from the railway station to the sea front they passed a fish and chip shop They were not hungry But stopped to look at the television which was tuned to a news channel The Pope […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2398"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2398"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2398\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
\nWhilst reading the works of Coleridge at the wicket
\nThe following week he made 222 not out
\nWhilst reading Wordsworth at the wicket
\nBut when he started to read the Lyrical Ballads
\nHis form at the wicket declined and he only made 28
\nBefore being bowled
\nOn six consecutive Sunday\u2019s
\nIt was only when he returned to Coleridge
\nThat his form improved
\nAnd during the last hot weekend of the summer
\nHe made 496 not out
\nAgainst a team from a village
\nLocated six miles to the east of Maidstone \u00a0\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\n<\/i><\/p>\n