{"id":23982,"date":"2024-10-20T13:23:50","date_gmt":"2024-10-20T12:23:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.co.uk\/?p=23982"},"modified":"2024-10-20T14:36:54","modified_gmt":"2024-10-20T13:36:54","slug":"the-missionary-position","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2024\/10\/20\/the-missionary-position\/","title":{"rendered":"The Missionary Position"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hi Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Wright <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who was that gorgeous girl you were with <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sephine <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Janice thought that she was very beautiful <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We are good friends <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nuffsaidmate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I thought that you would like this <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Janice starts planning for Chrimbo <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Usually in June <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There I am enjoying the tits on the beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I am being asked if Peter Junior <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Would like a African Civil War game <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I point to my eyes and ask <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If I have a I give a fuck look on my face again <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This happens just as Janice feeds my sandwiches to the gulls <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know the feeling mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yesterday in exchange for a shag I travelled to the Amazon <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I did not know that you liked seabirds <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Confused.com mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was horrible <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They seem to breed faster than Big Issue Sellers <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You would not believe the number of toys <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I was a kid it was all fucking Tressy Dolls <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I remember them <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I think the marketing was that her hair grows <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Janice still has one along with her weapons of mass destruction <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You know that is a fucking lie <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have a Tressy on my bedside cabinet <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I look at it every morning <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know where you are coming from mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They do not sell the 1970s Tressy dolls anymore <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There were too successful <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Explain <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well if you wanted a Guinea Pig <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But you were not allowed one <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then you nicked your sisters doll and just watched it turn into a Guinea Pig <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Rather like the actress in Last Tango <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I always thought Janice had a bush <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Too much information mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am into weaving <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nuff said <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anyway there we were going through the Amazon looking for ideas <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When a small chap walked by grunting <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He was not that pleasant to look at and made offensive noises<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I asked him why <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He did not understand English <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Was he from Dover <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No he just mumbled something about being a pygmy <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There was also a doll created in the likeness of Jane Goodall <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She is a world expert on Chimps <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I respect her work <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I agree but whichever sweat shop made this doll made two glaring mistakes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Firstly Jane is presented at being an extra from Baywatch wearing colonial gear which does not exactly do wonders for those idiots who interpret history after reading the Guardian <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Secondly the doll was accompanied by a primate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Methinks that somebody is taking the piss <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A question Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why do they call the missionary position the missionary position <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Explain <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well I always thought the missionary position was a guy on top of a girl <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead of her getting it up the arse like a dog <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I agree it was introduced by the missionaries as they thought the doggy position was not very nice <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you miss <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I get your drift mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well my understanding of the missionary position was standing in a tub on pretty hot water over a camp fire with an onion in your gob <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Janice liked the dolls in the wheelchairs which came with a free ramp <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They have their place <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes on the sixth floor <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But there is one error as all you get is a Barbie who looks like an extra from Baywatch in a pink wheelchair with a free yellow ramp <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It gives the child a rather odd perspective on life as most of these poor children are not that nice to look at and think that they are a new species of apple<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They also make black ones <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes they look like Brillo pads on wheels <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But still retain the svelte figure of a Baywatch extra <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is not very lifelike Joe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Are there any other dolls apart from the Baywatch White and the Baywatch Black <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Come to think of it that is all there was<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Baywatch White and the Baywatch Black<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That says a lot <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It really says a lot <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How would you feel in you were Japanese <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would stand on a box <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When we were kids all we had<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"> Were Sindy Dolls and Last Tango Tressy&#8217;s <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Speak for yourself mate <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I preferred Action Man <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really I never liked Action Man <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Too violent <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His views although correct  were quite were one sided <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What do you mean <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well a nice decent chap with a machine gun <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Kills all those with darker skins <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are taking the piss <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What do you notice about me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are a babe magnet <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Apart from that <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are tall <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And you are hung like a horse <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Bruv what is seen in the locker room stays in the locker room <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anything else <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well you look kind of Spanish<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"> So does your gorgeous sister <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Landing strip <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We retain her colouring <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My dad was from Wales and owned a bar <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They originally called me Blossom Wright <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I have dropped my second name <br><br><br><br> Silly Boy <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hi Joe Wright Who was that gorgeous girl you were with Sephine Janice thought that she was very beautiful We are good friends Nuffsaidmate I thought that you would like this Janice starts planning for Chrimbo Usually in June There I am enjoying the tits on the beach And I am being asked if Peter [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23982","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23982","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23982"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23982\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23992,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23982\/revisions\/23992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}