I was sharing a bath with Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira<\/p>\n
She was the most intelligent girl in Spain<\/p>\n
We will be crossing the equator in three hours <\/i><\/p>\n
What shall we do?<\/i><\/p>\n
The usual I will chase you and the other crew members around the boat with shaving foam and we will fight with olive oil <\/i><\/p>\n
And after? <\/i><\/p>\n
We will all jump into the sea naked <\/i><\/p>\n
But what about the brandy? <\/i><\/p>\n
It is the only alcohol we have left on board <\/i><\/p>\n
And yes we will offer the sea a share of our brandy<\/i><\/p>\n
Do you know what I am going to do? <\/i><\/p>\n
Tell me <\/i><\/p>\n
I am going to have a shit<\/i><\/p>\n
Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira climbed out of the bath and sat on the toilet facing me<\/p>\n
Thank you <\/i><\/p>\n
Have you never seen a girl shitting before?<\/i><\/p>\n
You can use it after me <\/i><\/p>\n
I do not need a shit <\/i><\/p>\n
Hand me those tin cans <\/i><\/p>\n
Why?<\/i><\/p>\n
Because I intend to defecate into as many as I can <\/i><\/p>\n
Whatever for?<\/i><\/p>\n
So that I may sell them as artists shit <\/i><\/p>\n
You are not an artist <\/i><\/p>\n
That does not matter<\/i><\/p>\n
Make yourself useful and hold them under my arse <\/i><\/p>\n
I will try to be as careful as possible <\/i><\/p>\n
I crouched next to Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira<\/p>\n
She shit into twenty-eight tins which I lined up next to each other on the floor<\/p>\n
What do you intend to do now?<\/i><\/p>\n
I will weld the tins shut and label them <\/i><\/p>\n
Artists Shit <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
But you are not an artist <\/i><\/p>\n
I will then sell them priced by current value of gold <\/i><\/p>\n
Galleries will buy them <\/i><\/p>\n
My work will end up in museums <\/i><\/p>\n
In distant years when we are gone researchers will be able to share in the pleasure of my fish supper<\/i><\/p>\n
But you are not an artist<\/i><\/p>\n
Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira was cleaning her arse in the bath<\/p>\n
You are wasting your shit see there are particles floating on the surface of the bath water <\/i><\/p>\n
Can you see the equator?<\/i><\/p>\n
No <\/i><\/p>\n
That is because it is abstract <\/i><\/p>\n
I agree it is an imaginary line equidistant between the poles dividing the earth into the hemispheres <\/i><\/p>\n
I may not be an artist in your eyes but if I leave this room and sculpt or paint then I am an artist<\/i><\/p>\n
I shit like an artist <\/i><\/p>\n
You shit like anyone else <\/i><\/p>\n
May I watch you shit? <\/i><\/p>\n
I shit this morning <\/i><\/p>\n
The equator does not exist <\/i><\/p>\n
I know <\/i><\/p>\n
Then why do we celebrate its crossing?<\/i><\/p>\n
I tell you what I am going to film our crossing of the equator and place the discs into tin cans <\/i><\/p>\n
Future generations will witness our celebrations <\/i><\/p>\n
I will call these cans <\/i><\/p>\n
Celebrations of an Abstract <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
They will be free with the cans of my shit<\/i><\/p>\n
But what of the particles of shit in the bath <\/i><\/p>\n
They will wash into the sea <\/i><\/p>\n
The fish will consume my shit <\/i><\/p>\n
We will catch the fish and consume my shit <\/i><\/p>\n
I will be a small part of each of you <\/i><\/p>\n
That is rather beautiful do you not think <\/i><\/p>\n
I suppose I am an artist if you really think about it <\/i><\/p>\n
May I borrow your welding kit? \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was sharing a bath with Hildegart Rodriguez Carballeira She was the most intelligent girl in Spain We will be crossing the equator in three hours What shall we do? The usual I will chase you and the other crew members around the boat with shaving foam and we will fight with olive oil And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2563"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2563"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2563\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2563"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2563"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}