Am I right in thinking that your name is Constance <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is a pretty name Miss Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I like it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who chose your name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which one <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are confusing me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am sorry that I am confusing you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perkins comes from my father <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He comes from a long line of Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Taylor County <\/p>\n\n\n\n
His father was a High Court Judge <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mother chose my first name <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Constance <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a novel by Peter Handke<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Ride Across Lake Constance<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What are his books about <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Various things but mainly the deadening effects<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And underlying irrationality of ordinary language <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyday reality and rational order <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you read any of his books sir <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I cannot say that I have but they sound interesting <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They are <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But to return to more pressing matters <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please would you confirm your profession <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am the current goalkeeper for the LA Raiders <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is being a goalkeeper seen as a profession <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you not by profession a soccer player <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am but I play in a specialised position <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You know why you are here Miss Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I bared my butt to the Miami Dolphins crowd <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why did you do it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because I had just saved a penalty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But is it not your job to save penalties <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is but I am not very good at it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why is that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is all in my head sir <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Explain <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whenever I face a penalty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do not think that I will save it<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why is that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I knew the answer then I would save more penalties <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But you saved the Miami Dolphins penalty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did but it was the first penalty that I had saved in seventeen <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And that is the reason why you are here Miss Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please explain your actions to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was so happy that I had saved a penalty <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That I dropped my shorts in front of the Miami supporters <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was there any reason for that <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not really but I had been called fat arse by some in the crowd <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you think I have a far arse sir <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am not here to answer that question <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You do have to realise that some attending <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Might have been offended by your display <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do understand that although I would add <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That in this world of ghastly wars <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do not think that my bare arse would be considered offensive <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have another question Miss Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you gained a financial advantage because of your actions <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I received a win bonus and another bonus for my penalty save <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let me rephrase my question <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It has been brought to my attention <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That you have been photographed by Sports Illustrated<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes I posed for the magazine <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you wearing a swimsuit <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No I was displaying my naked butt <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well if is was good enough for Megan <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then it was good enough for me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you gain financially <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a way yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was paid for the photographs but the tattoo came free <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tattoo <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had the tattoo of my soccer club added my butt cheek <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was it a permanent tattoo <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Heavens no <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miss Perkins I have been told that you donated your fee to charity <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is true sir <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then why are we here Constance <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are a fine young lady with a big heart <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Quite why charges were brought against you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is open to question <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are free to leave this court <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank you sir <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But just before you leave please accept this tip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My son plays for a football club in the UK <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He is a goalkeeper like you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Does he save penalties <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Frequently <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is his secret <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He makes notes on his water bottle <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is surprisingly effective <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will take that approach <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This I hope will help you in future matches <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But do please keep your butt covered <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Would you like me to sign your copy of Sports Illustrated<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you would be as kind <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Both of my sons and my daughter have followed you career <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This will make them all very happy Miss Perkins <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My pleasure <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Am I right in thinking that your name is Constance Yes That is a pretty name Miss Perkins I like it Who chose your name Which one You are confusing me I am sorry that I am confusing you Perkins comes from my father He comes from a long line of Perkins In Taylor County […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26357"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26357\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26363,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26357\/revisions\/26363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}