When one was at St Percy’s <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was an annual skool trip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody looked forward to them <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The destinations chosen were boring to say the least<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And were often quite regrettably in Wales <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Llandudno Tenby and the Brecon Beacons <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were not expected to wear our skool uniforms <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which was a bonus as we just looked like chumps
Do you have any outstanding memories<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few like the day that we left Jayne Jane in the loos <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody noticed her absence for over ten miles <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She had managed to lock herself in cubicle number two <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How embarrassing for the young lady <\/p>\n\n\n\n
None of us cared as she was fat and mouthy
What about you Claude do you have any memories <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I once stole a snow globe from a gift shop <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was very dishonest of you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Were you punished <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was punished but not for the theft <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What were you punished for <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I dropped the snow globe on the coach on the way home <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the glass and the other muck went everywhere <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All over the floor and under the seats <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miss Burton who was wearing sandals cut her toe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the top of this and to make things worse <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wilson Davis was sick twice on this trip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Candy floss bubble gum and greasy chips <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We all suffocated mark my word <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the mixed colours were acceptable
Have you any other stories <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes but it was pretty gruesome <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pray tell <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you ever taken Milk of Magnesia<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes on a couple of occasions <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What are your thoughts Peter Paul <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is an agreeable medicine <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you ever read the directions <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not really as it does rely on common sense <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Long story short I ate too many hot dogs <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When visiting Aberystwyth and suffered greatly <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But as luck would have it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had previously raided Matron’s sick cabinet <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After having been stung by a wasp <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What has this to do with Milk of Magnesia<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everything and nothing as during the theft <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stole other goodies to sell around the dorm <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Including Milk of Magnesia I take it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It has a nice taste rather like mint vomit but cooler <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My guts were on fire and before I knew it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had consumed the whole bottle <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did it cause you problems <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I to put it bluntly I was about to poo for England <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked Jenkins Minor to glue my thighs together <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did that lessen the disaster <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes but not for long <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will qualify this as it was the last ever uniform trip <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I was wearing my grey cotton shorts and white shirt <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miss Salmon rushed me to toilets and waited outside <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can guess what happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then you are totally right <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The explosion was worse than a nuclear test<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really that sounds grim <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did not even have the time to remove my shorts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before I filled my Y Fronts right up to the brim <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A sweaty journey mixed with Milk of Magnesia<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a while Miss Salmon became worried <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She opened the door before passing out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Houston we have problem <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here I was trapped at a rest stop in deepest Wales <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My art mistress who was in charge of Year Zero <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Has been asphyxiated by the explosion <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My white pants were no longer white <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They resembled the Somme <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My grey cotton shorts were no longer grey <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But a mixture of white black and brown <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did your white shirt survive <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not really as much of it resembled Spot the Dog <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your tie <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was unharmed <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can remember sitting on the test site <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In paroxysms of laughter <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had not laughed so much <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since my mothers dog had been squashed by a tractor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whilst I was sleeping in the orchard <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How did your masters sort the situation out <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well Mr Lewis Williams revived Miss Salmon <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And she returned to the coach gasping for air<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He suggested to the coach driver that a visit to Aqua World might be in order <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As my fellows were getting restless because many had guessed my misfortune <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had always liked Mr Lewis Williams as he was a mans man and a war hero to boot <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He returned to the coach and fetched his best raincoat <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And told me to thoroughly wash myself in the sinks <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sinks <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes I used all twelve of them <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whilst I was scraping myself clean he left me alone <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was away for about half an hour and returned carrying the following <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A lavender and pink rugby shirt two sizes too big for me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Black cotton shorts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rugger socks that matched the shirts <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And rather surprisingly black swimming trunks <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This confused me initially but soon made sense<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had been kitted out in the colours <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of St Peters School First XV<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had visited the only sports shop in the village <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whilst Mr Lewis Williams was disposing of my soiled clothes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the local radioactive disposal unit <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I soon dressed and took the role of the St Peter’s scrum half <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What a hero I was <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When my fellows returned from Aqua World <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They gave me a hearty cheer <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miss Salmon had recovered although she was still looking pale <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many asked me what had caused such a reaction <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I blamed the hot dogs but was not really believed <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is said that your skool days are the best years of your life <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tend to agree with this<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Especially with healthy doses of Milk of Magnesia
Christopher-Claude Mills-Barnes <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When one was at St Percy’s There was an annual skool trip Nobody looked forward to them The destinations chosen were boring to say the least And were often quite regrettably in Wales Llandudno Tenby and the Brecon Beacons We were not expected to wear our skool uniforms Which was a bonus as we just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26616","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26616","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26616"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26616\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26632,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26616\/revisions\/26632"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26616"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26616"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26616"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}