I have never really liked zoos <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Its is all bit cruel I think <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One minute you are out in the bush <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eating Swiss tourists <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And next you are in some fucking zoo <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With millions of kids taking photographs of your arse <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Dennis and Deidre love zoos <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And nag Jayne and Billy No Mates <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To take them there <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Forty fucking quid <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I only want to look at the animal not buy it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Daddy we can adopt a piranha<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What a fucking rip off <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Adopt a piranha <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes we get two photographs a year and a card on our birthdays <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This said at least my children behave <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which is quite refreshing <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As other peoples little fuckers are everywhere <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the tiger compound scaring the poor creatures<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stealing peacock feathers and flogging them to idiots like me <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chucking their toys and sandwiches into the rare fish aquariums <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Funnel Webs do not get me started on Funnel Webs <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have not used a zoo toilet since 1958 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it could be worse <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I could be an Australian who likes a nuclear curry or two<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine this you are sitting in the bog with raging diarrhea<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You have been sitting there for four days <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The only thing that you have not passed is your tongue <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then you see a dusky Funnel Web down the pan <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would you do is the eternal question <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was a kid there used to be an elephant at Bristol Zoo<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was a bad tempered beast and because of this <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought it would be funny to fart on Rosie during a ride <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That did not go down well with Rosie <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the next thing I knew was that I was flying <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over the Clifton Suspension Bridge <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Having previously collided with a Sputnik <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I suppose it was a rite of passage <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I could not sit down for a week <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have never really liked zoos Its is all bit cruel I think One minute you are out in the bush Eating Swiss tourists And next you are in some fucking zoo With millions of kids taking photographs of your arse But Dennis and Deidre love zoos And nag Jayne and Billy No Mates To […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27553"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27558,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27553\/revisions\/27558"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}