{"id":31247,"date":"2026-01-01T18:17:35","date_gmt":"2026-01-01T18:17:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/?p=31247"},"modified":"2026-01-01T21:32:51","modified_gmt":"2026-01-01T21:32:51","slug":"grettas-slow-adventures","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2026\/01\/01\/grettas-slow-adventures\/","title":{"rendered":"Gretta&#8217;s Slow Adventures"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When she was seventeen years old  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Gretta was involved in a serious accident <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She was knocked off her bicycle <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By an uninsured and inebriated car driver <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As the result of this she lost part of her left leg  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Which should have been a disaster for her<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But it was the beginning of her literary career <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As within a year she had written her first book<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Slow Adventures of Gretta Tear<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Which described her walks around England <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She followed this up with <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Slightly Faster Adventures of Gretta Tear<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Which helped to finance the killing of Levi Rose <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The driver of the car that almost killed her <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Such was her hate of the local gypsies <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That she had their foul caravan park <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Burnt to the ground with a number of casualties <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Her third book <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Extremely Fast Adventures of Gretta Tear <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Was awarded a number of literary prizes<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To celebrate this she arranged <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For the Prime Minister to be assassinated <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Followed by certain members of his cabinet <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And then it all stopped as she moved to Palm Springs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To become musical transcendentalist twice removed <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Her books are still best sellers <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But she has never been suspected of being a vigilante <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Last year she published a satirical novel <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">About the sexual perversions of disabled people <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is going to be made into a movie <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Starring Rex Golden and Gretta herself <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have been employed to be the intimacy coordinator  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"141\" height=\"141\" src=\"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/image.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-31248\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">An Intimacy Coordinator&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am the blonde guy <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nearest to the real tea trolley <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I may be a failed writer <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But it was good why it lasted <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When she was seventeen years old Gretta was involved in a serious accident She was knocked off her bicycle By an uninsured and inebriated car driver As the result of this she lost part of her left leg Which should have been a disaster for her But it was the beginning of her literary career [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31247"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31254,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31247\/revisions\/31254"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}