Richard and Elisabeth were sitting in a small coffee bar that overlooked the River Thames<\/p>\n
The day was dying and the street lights were beginning to illuminate the busy roads<\/p>\n
Tell me about the suicide you witnessed last week I know some facts but not all<\/i><\/p>\n
Was it horrible? <\/i><\/p>\n
No <\/i><\/p>\n
Would you have been able to stop it if you had been able to? <\/i><\/p>\n
Yes<\/i><\/p>\n
Then why did you not intervene the poor man was obviously troubled <\/i><\/p>\n
The man asked me to just let him jump into the river <\/i><\/p>\n
But the man was not of sound mind <\/i><\/p>\n
I respected his request<\/i><\/p>\n
I would have stopped him <\/i><\/p>\n
He had stared into the abyss and became the abyss <\/i><\/p>\n
I could not help him <\/i><\/p>\n
Even if I had tried to stop him he would have returned and thrown himself off of the bridge when I had gone away<\/i><\/p>\n
What drove him to it?<\/i><\/p>\n
I do not know <\/i><\/p>\n
Money <\/i><\/p>\n
Love <\/i><\/p>\n
Or it might have been that he saw things too clearly <\/i><\/p>\n
Some people see things far too clearly and sometimes it destroys them <\/i><\/p>\n
A girl dressed in a black check apron placed a slice of cake on the table between the friends<\/p>\n
She smiled falsely and left<\/p>\n
It was a toss-up between this lemon drizzle cake and the coffee cake<\/p>\n
Your decision was trivial Elisabeth<\/p>\n
Elizabeth playfully prodded Richard with her fork<\/p>\n
And you are rude<\/i><\/p>\n
I was not being rude <\/i><\/p>\n
You said that my choice of cake was trivial <\/i><\/p>\n
It was<\/i><\/p>\n
Explain\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n
Richard looked at a set of Charles Dickens books on the shelf above Elisabeth<\/p>\n
They obviously had not been read for quite a while as light and almost invisible spider webs could be seen<\/p>\n
No answer <\/i><\/p>\n
Yes I have an answer <\/i><\/p>\n
Go ahead <\/i><\/p>\n
Would you say that you were comfortable? <\/i><\/p>\n
I suppose so<\/i><\/p>\n
What was the last challenging thing you did? <\/i><\/p>\n
A charity trek in Africa a couple of years ago <\/i><\/p>\n
Why did you do it? <\/i><\/p>\n
To help people <\/i><\/p>\n
You were guilty that you had a comfortable western lifestyle <\/i><\/p>\n
I suppose so but where are coming from Richard? <\/i><\/p>\n
We are the last men you know <\/i><\/p>\n
Since God was murdered and the void was created instead of challenging ourselves we settle for a banal existence<\/i><\/p>\n
Are you saying that my life is banal? <\/i><\/p>\n
And mine I am just as guilty as you of not challenging myself <\/i><\/p>\n
Here were are in this coffee shop chatting <\/i><\/p>\n
It is a comfortable place <\/i><\/p>\n
The view of the river is agreeable <\/i><\/p>\n
We have been friends since childhood <\/i><\/p>\n
You feel comfortable with me <\/i><\/p>\n
Our existence is as banal as the choice of your cake <\/i><\/p>\n
We live lives of timid mediocrity <\/i><\/p>\n
Speak for yourself I am quite happy with my life<\/i><\/p>\n
Are you not happy with your life? <\/i><\/p>\n
In its mediocrity yes but I despise it also <\/i><\/p>\n
We have no moral values and lack vision <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth smiled and offered Richard a piece of cake on her fork which he declined<\/p>\n
Too trivial for you I suppose <\/i><\/p>\n
Do you realise Richard I hate you and love you at the same time <\/i><\/p>\n
I love you as you have always been there for me <\/i><\/p>\n
Since the day I fell out of the apple tree and fractured my wrist <\/i><\/p>\n
You were there for me and our relationship has not been complicated by sex or sexual attraction <\/i><\/p>\n
You think I am attractive but you are not attracted to me <\/i><\/p>\n
But I hate you so much at times <\/i><\/p>\n
When I heard the story about the suicide I was disgusted with you <\/i><\/p>\n
I hated you with every fibre of my body and cried myself to sleep that night <\/i><\/p>\n
How could you have been so cold? <\/i><\/p>\n
I explained to you earlier why I let him jump<\/i><\/p>\n
If you had stopped him there might have been hope <\/i><\/p>\n
You lacked compassion for the poor man <\/i><\/p>\n
That is where you are wrong Elisabeth <\/i><\/p>\n
I am a compassionate man <\/i><\/p>\n
In a Post-Christian world that lacks compassion mine was a compassionate act <\/i><\/p>\n
I knew of his pain <\/i><\/p>\n
He had stared into the abyss <\/i><\/p>\n
And the abyss had stared back at him <\/i><\/p>\n
All your complicated words will not change my mind <\/i><\/p>\n
Your actions were awful Richard and I will never forgive you <\/i><\/p>\n
That was not the act of my Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth felt herself getting angry with her friend and immediately changed the subject<\/p>\n
In the corner of her eye she felt a tear and knew that Richard had noted her distress<\/p>\n
She thought back to their childhood days when they used to bury small creatures that had died<\/p>\n
The gentle days where were they now?<\/p>\n
Deep down although she was attracted to Richard she was glad that they were not in a relationship<\/p>\n
She was scared of him and wanted to keep him at arms length<\/p>\n
What would you do if I choked on this cake? <\/i><\/p>\n
I would rescue you<\/i><\/p>\n
I would do what was necessary <\/i><\/p>\n
So why did you not help that poor man <\/i><\/p>\n
Why would you help me but not him? <\/i><\/p>\n
As I told you Elisabeth I am a compassionate man <\/i><\/p>\n
Both of these acts would have been compassionate<\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth felt a tear run down her cheek which she dabbed with her napkin<\/p>\n
See you have upset me <\/i><\/p>\n
That was not my intention<\/i><\/p>\n
I know and am happy with my world and you come along and destroy it <\/i><\/p>\n
I think it better we do not meet for a while <\/i><\/p>\n
That is up to you Elisabeth but I would miss you <\/i><\/p>\n
Like it or not we are attached at the hip <\/i><\/p>\n
Fuck you Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
Would you like another coffee?<\/i><\/p>\n
Fuck you Richard and yes I would like another coffee <\/i><\/p>\n
Richard signalled to the bored waitress and ordered two coffees<\/p>\n
Are you ok now?<\/i><\/p>\n
Yes <\/i><\/p>\n
I am sorry I upset you<\/i><\/p>\n
There is a side of you that I do not understand <\/i><\/p>\n
You stared into the void that is all <\/i><\/p>\n
Fuck the void Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
That is what most people say <\/i><\/p>\n
They ignore the void <\/i><\/p>\n
The waitress brought the coffees to the table but did not smile<\/p>\n
May I tell you something Richard?<\/i><\/p>\n
Anything <\/i><\/p>\n
You will not be angry <\/i><\/p>\n
Have I ever been angry with you?<\/i><\/p>\n
It is not about me <\/i><\/p>\n
Then what?<\/i><\/p>\n
Last Sunday I was walking across the bridge when I was mugged <\/i><\/p>\n
Were you hurt?<\/i><\/p>\n
No just shaken up<\/i><\/p>\n
Did they get much?<\/i><\/p>\n
About seventy pounds from my purse but they had no interest in my cards <\/i><\/p>\n
What happened? <\/i><\/p>\n
I was walking back across the bridge when my path was blocked by two men <\/i><\/p>\n
Were they foreign?<\/i><\/p>\n
If that is important yes <\/i><\/p>\n
Carry on <\/i><\/p>\n
Well one of them had a pathetic little knife and pointed it towards me asking for money <\/i><\/p>\n
I was going to run but I thought they would out sprint me and I would get hurt<\/i><\/p>\n
So I gave them my purse <\/i><\/p>\n
They took the money out and threw the purse into the river <\/i><\/p>\n
Was that it?<\/i><\/p>\n
They told me that I was lucky as they only wanted money and that I was a fucking white bitch and should not cross the bridge after dark <\/i><\/p>\n
They said I was a slag and asking for it <\/i><\/p>\n
Did you report it to the police? <\/i><\/p>\n
Yes <\/i><\/p>\n
What did they do?<\/i><\/p>\n
Nothing they just took all the details and said that I should not really have placed myself in danger and should keep to well -lit areas a <\/i><\/p>\n
And <\/i><\/p>\n
They took all my details and that was that <\/i><\/p>\n
Why did you not ring me?<\/i><\/p>\n
Because I know the way you would have reacted <\/i><\/p>\n
That being?<\/i><\/p>\n
You would have gone looking for them <\/i><\/p>\n
I know the way your brain works or at least I think I do <\/i><\/p>\n
You would have crossed that bridge each night maybe flashing the cash \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
You would have made yourself a target <\/i><\/p>\n
And then I would have dealt with the fuckers<\/i><\/p>\n
At least one of them was carrying a knife they might have hurt you <\/i><\/p>\n
That would be a chance that I would take <\/i><\/p>\n
On the journey to happiness one has to suffer a great deal of pain <\/i><\/p>\n
Just leave it alone Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
Do not do anything silly <\/i><\/p>\n
I will\u00a0not do anything silly <\/i> <\/i><\/p>\n
Promise <\/i><\/p>\n
Promise <\/i><\/p>\n
If I find that you have gone after them then I will not see you for a long while <\/i><\/p>\n
Please act rationally this is not a movie <\/i><\/p>\n
I promise that I will not look for them <\/i><\/p>\n
Somehow I do not believe you<\/i><\/p>\n
Believe me <\/i><\/p>\n
Those fuckers will make mistakes as they are sub-human and then a man will come down from the mountains and destroy them <\/i><\/p>\n
You are talking in riddles again Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
No I am crystal clear <\/i><\/p>\n
But do not worry I will keep my promise to you <\/i><\/p>\n
About five minutes later Richard and Elisabeth left the coffee bar and were strolling along the embankment<\/p>\n
They were holding hands and Elisabeth thought that people might mistake them for lovers<\/p>\n
She smiled at the irony<\/p>\n
They had decided to walk to Tower Bridge and sit on a bench and just contemplate the passing evening<\/p>\n
You know that of all things a void is the thing that we should be most scared of <\/i><\/p>\n
You have only have to look around the world to see that <\/i><\/p>\n
Countries which have had dictators who have been overthrown go one of two ways <\/i><\/p>\n
If a sense of democracy is restored quickly then the void is filled <\/i><\/p>\n
If this does not happen then evil can take its place <\/i><\/p>\n
Your muggers were evil <\/i><\/p>\n
No I think they were misguided <\/i><\/p>\n
You would not have said that if you had been stabbed or if they had raped you on the bridge <\/i><\/p>\n
They were just scared children in a strange country<\/i><\/p>\n
The vacancy that faced them frightened them <\/i><\/p>\n
Rubbish they were feral little fucks emerging from the gutters of this city <\/i><\/p>\n
I think this is a lovely city and scum like that spoil it for others <\/i><\/p>\n
Any city in the world is going to have problems like London <\/i><\/p>\n
I agree <\/i><\/p>\n
There are always going to be the haves and the have-nots <\/i><\/p>\n
They are still vermin <\/i><\/p>\n
What would you say if I told you that I have forgiven them?<\/i><\/p>\n
I would say that you are a hopeless case <\/i><\/p>\n
But I have <\/i><\/p>\n
I was scared I thought they were going to hurt me or assault me but all they took was my money and I can replace that<\/i><\/p>\n
You would have not said that if you had been left bloodied and naked on the bridge <\/i><\/p>\n
I agree <\/i><\/p>\n
But I was not raped or attacked <\/i><\/p>\n
So I forgave them <\/i><\/p>\n
We no longer live a Christian world Elisabeth <\/i><\/p>\n
God is dead <\/i><\/p>\n
He was murdered <\/i><\/p>\n
That is absolute rubbish Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
We live in a Christian country <\/i><\/p>\n
Look I can see a church from here <\/i><\/p>\n
You can see a building Elisabeth thats all\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n
We live an age of narcisissm and of abject mediocrity <\/i><\/p>\n
Everybody in this city pretends to be happy<\/i><\/p>\n
I am happy Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
Are you Elisabeth?<\/i><\/p>\n
You have not been successful in relationships and I sense you are lonely <\/i><\/p>\n
You float around this city pretending to be happy <\/i><\/p>\n
You have bought into the religion of comfortability <\/i><\/p>\n
When you get home you will listen to your messages and arrange dates with your friends you will exchange trivial gossip when you meet them <\/i><\/p>\n
You will celebrate the mundane <\/i><\/p>\n
If I did not love you I would slap you <\/i><\/p>\n
Be my guest <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth slapped Richard sharply on the cheek<\/p>\n
Better now <\/i><\/p>\n
May I continue?<\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth slapped Richard again but with less force<\/p>\n
A passing couple averted their gaze<\/p>\n
They think we are having a tiff <\/i><\/p>\n
Let them think that <\/i><\/p>\n
I am sorry did I hurt you?<\/i><\/p>\n
No <\/i><\/p>\n
Why did you ask me to slap you?<\/i><\/p>\n
You have been waiting to do it all evening<\/i><\/p>\n
You are still angry with me <\/i><\/p>\n
What you did was a pure act <\/i><\/p>\n
And I admire you for it <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth smiled and kissed Richard on the cheek<\/p>\n
Sorry <\/i><\/p>\n
Do not apologise I admire your actions <\/i><\/p>\n
I know that if you had had a pistol in your bag you would have used it on those fucks <\/i><\/p>\n
I would not have been brave enough <\/i><\/p>\n
Then why do you carry the MACE spray I gave you in your bag<\/i><\/p>\n
Because you gave it to me <\/i><\/p>\n
It is illegal to carry the spray <\/i><\/p>\n
I was not aware of that <\/i><\/p>\n
And whilst we are on the subject why did you not use it that night <\/i><\/p>\n
I left it at home when I changed bags <\/i><\/p>\n
Perfect I try to look after you and you leave your bag at home <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth yawned<\/p>\n
Are you tired?<\/i><\/p>\n
A little <\/i><\/p>\n
Then I will walk with you to the tube station and see you off <\/i><\/p>\n
No need I am going to meet Cynthia at the 24\/7 store at about ten <\/i><\/p>\n
That is if I am finished with you <\/i><\/p>\n
A choice of cultural preferences <\/i><\/p>\n
Sorry<\/i><\/p>\n
I was thinking of this city <\/i><\/p>\n
The empty values of the herd <\/i><\/p>\n
Nobody aspires to greatness <\/i><\/p>\n
We have turned our back on challenging ideals <\/i><\/p>\n
Each of us including me does everything in our power to limit excess <\/i><\/p>\n
We stare blindly into the abyss as the man who committed suicide once did <\/i><\/p>\n
The only difference is that the abyss stared back at the poor soul <\/i><\/p>\n
That is why he killed himself <\/i><\/p>\n
He was a hollow man <\/i><\/p>\n
That is why I did not stop him <\/i><\/p>\n
He should have strived for greatness <\/i><\/p>\n
Instead he strived for mediocrity and it killed him <\/i><\/p>\n
He saw the void<\/i><\/p>\n
Richard turned around and found out that he had been addressing himself as Elisabeth was chatting excitedly with a couple of friends<\/p>\n
He walked towards them<\/p>\n
Cynthia this is Richard my dearest friend <\/i><\/p>\n
Pretty this is Richard <\/i><\/p>\n
What a coincidence this is I was due to meet the girls in a couple of hours but they decided to visit Shapiro\u2019s Bar and saw us passing<\/i><\/p>\n
Shall I take my leave of you <\/i><\/p>\n
You don\u2019t have to <\/i><\/p>\n
I am sure you have a lot of catching up to do <\/i><\/p>\n
I believe you have just returned from China Pretty <\/i><\/p>\n
Japan I was in Japan<\/i><\/p>\n
A fine country <\/i><\/p>\n
Yes I liked it <\/i><\/p>\n
Have you ever visited Japan?<\/i><\/p>\n
No but I am planning to<\/i><\/p>\n
Richard hugged Elisabeth<\/p>\n
I will disappear now and let you girls chat together <\/i><\/p>\n
I still have a great deal of work to do <\/i><\/p>\n
Are you sure <\/i><\/p>\n
Yes <\/i><\/p>\n
Same time same coffee bar in a fortnight<\/i><\/p>\n
I look forward to it <\/i><\/p>\n
Liar <\/i><\/p>\n
Elisabeth and her friends walked away<\/p>\n
Dishy guy <\/i><\/p>\n
No it is not like that <\/i><\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t want him <\/i><\/p>\n
Later as Richard made his way across the bridge he was stopped by the waitress who had earlier served him coffee<\/p>\n
She asked for a light<\/p>\n
As he lit her cigarette Richard lit one for himself<\/p>\n
He hadn\u2019t told Elisabeth that he had started smoking again<\/p>\n
He accompanied the waitress to her bus stop and waited with her until her bus arrived<\/p>\n
After making sure she was safely on board he crossed the bridge again<\/p>\n
He looked at the dark river and knew he was staring into the abyss<\/p>\n
Richard was a great distance from the mountains<\/p>\n
But this did not worry him and he took comfort from the fact that he had now started his journey<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Richard and Elisabeth were sitting in a small coffee bar that overlooked the River Thames The day was dying and the street lights were beginning to illuminate the busy roads Tell me about the suicide you witnessed last week I know some facts but not all Was it horrible? No Would you have been able […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3368"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3368"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3368\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}