{"id":34629,"date":"2026-06-10T10:11:41","date_gmt":"2026-06-10T09:11:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/?p=34629"},"modified":"2026-06-10T15:04:40","modified_gmt":"2026-06-10T14:04:40","slug":"the-open-university","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2026\/06\/10\/the-open-university\/","title":{"rendered":"The Open University"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was all about being lonely <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is this a play for five characters <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No six <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can only count five <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Have you counted yourself <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then you are a cunt <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My name is Stephen <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then you are a cunt Stephen <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My talk is why fat women <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Walk along beaches <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With very little on <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">All people should be free to choose <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who said that <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I did<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What is your name <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Louise<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I used to know a Louise <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She was very tall and blonde <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How tall are you Louise <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Five two <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Five three <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Would you walk along a beach <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With very little on <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No as I consider myself overweight <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then why do you not wear a belt <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because the buckle rubs <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you realise that every time you get up<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You reveal acres of your butt crack <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do I <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Spanish girl who is sitting next to you <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is called Ines <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She is far taller than you and considerably more beautiful <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is a pleasure to gaze upon her <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When this lecture ends would you please give me your time <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am not wearing a watch <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We have a comic genius in our midst <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You may be fat small and exceedingly plain <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But you are comic genius <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Please see me at close of play <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I will give you twenty pounds to buy a belt <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Be nice to the world Louise and it will be nice to you <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ines why do you think Louise is here at the summer school <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can think of better places to be than Manchester in the heat <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mark <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ines does not speak English <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She finds English an exceedingly difficult language <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are Tony yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is is short for Antonio<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That was my fathers name <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He was named after his father<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who was anally raped by a communist in 1938 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Where did this communist come from <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">From his mothers cunt as we all do <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Comic genius <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are a comic genius Louise <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Manchester <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I cannot sat that I like homosexuals <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I do not hate them <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There is no way I would harm one <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What about three homosexuals <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Comic genius <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is just that I cannot see the attraction of anal sex <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Neither do I <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I thought you did not speak English <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I speak a little English <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That is nice to know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My church does not approve of anal sex <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Are you a Catholic Ines <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I do not understand you Mark <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My name is Colin <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who asked you <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am the fifth character <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Are you a homosexual Colin <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Never in a million years <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would string them all up <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But do not choose to do so <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why is that <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because I live in the desert<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are no trees in the desert <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So even though I would string them all up <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would not be able to do so <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then why are you attending this summer school <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because I am looking for a fuck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So am I <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I thought that was the case Louise <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am a virgin you know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Knock me down with a feather and call me Margaret <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I feel that my body clock is in overdrive <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would not fuck you even if I was paid to do so <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That is not nice Colin <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I find Louise repulsive <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If I had a choice I would fuck Ines <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As she has an air of mystery about her <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I fear that Antonio has beaten you to that prize <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But Antonio is her brother <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Brothers should not fuck sisters <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Would you fuck your sister Mark <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am an only child <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you had a sister Mark <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That depends <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are confusing me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I do not have a physical sister <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I have a dream sister <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And she is very ugly <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would rather fuck Louise <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you had a choice between Louise and Ines <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who would you fuck <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Obviously Ines but that is impossible <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because her English is very limited      <br><br><br><br><br>End of Act One<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It was all about being lonely Is this a play for five characters No six I can only count five Have you counted yourself No Then you are a cunt My name is Stephen Then you are a cunt Stephen My talk is why fat women Walk along beaches With very little on All people [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34629","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34629","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34629"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34629\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34636,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34629\/revisions\/34636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34629"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34629"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34629"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}