What happened <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I threw a pan of boiling water <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At a famous chef<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because he murdered <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A lobster in Milton Keynes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was selected at random <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read this Tiff<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is in Portuguese<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Braille translation<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is on the reverse side
Boil a live lobster in heavily salted water<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For eight to ten minutes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until the shell <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Turns bright red<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the meat is opaque
I think I know where this is going<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is this why you were imprisoned <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The chef who I attacked <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Made sure that I suffered <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I lost my job at Number 10<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And he continued to serve lobsters<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At his multi starred restaurant<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her wore his scars as trophies
Did you<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You do not get ten years for nothing <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I lured him into a remote cellar <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As he thought I had access <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To the famous rainbow lobsters<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From Cape Cod and Nantucket Island
Did you boil him alive<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was just following the recipe Tiff<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was all <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ten years <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I originally received twenty years <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then it was reduced <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Good behaviour <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not really <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Lobsters Liberation Front <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Getting warmer<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But still quite cool<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then why <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was because of a change of law<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That I immediately became<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A Prisoner of Conscious <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My sentence was reduced overnight<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It will be further reduced in a week <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have serious hopes of being released
Lobster Manifesto<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Boiling lobsters and other decapod crustaceans alive is recognised as being incompatible with the UK Animal Welfare Laws<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And because of that the boiling of famous chefs <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is permitted as long salt is used<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to be called shrimp at school <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I was so small and boyish to look at <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In view of this will you marry me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will meet you outside of the prison gates
Annette <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What happened I threw a pan of boiling water At a famous chef Why Because he murdered A lobster in Milton Keynes It was selected at random Read this Tiff It is in Portuguese The Braille translation Is on the reverse side Boil a live lobster in heavily salted water For eight to ten minutes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36316","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36316"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36316\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36328,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36316\/revisions\/36328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}