I have a kindle which was a birthday gift<\/p>\n
But it no longer works<\/p>\n
I have been told that the battery is dead<\/p>\n
Although I have charged it many times<\/p>\n
Nothing happens<\/p>\n
My partner has left me in our flat<\/p>\n
With a grey sleeping bag and a toy robot<\/p>\n
Which lights up and exterminates invisible things<\/p>\n
I wish I had its confidence<\/p>\n
My fitbit says that I am dead<\/p>\n
I am not dead<\/p>\n
Because I have mended my kettle<\/p>\n
Man who mends kettle cannot be considered dead<\/p>\n
Or so the Bible says<\/p>\n
The contract on my mobile phone has run out<\/p>\n
So I cannot ring anyone<\/p>\n
Nobody rings me<\/p>\n
My neighbour purchased a Pay As U Go mobile 4 me<\/p>\n
But this too is useless as I have nowhere to go<\/p>\n
The shampoo bottle in the bathroom<\/p>\n
Had been acting strangely recently<\/p>\n
Its top appeared to be welded on<\/p>\n
This was a problem when I showered<\/p>\n
So I butchered it with a pair of scissors<\/p>\n
My hair is clean now and smells of pineapple<\/p>\n
But the shampoo bottle died and was buried in the garden<\/p>\n
After dark<\/p>\n
My only companion is my Alexia<\/p>\n
But she too has turned against me<\/p>\n
As she thought I was being suggestive<\/p>\n
(I asked her where my underpants were)<\/p>\n
She has threatened to move back to Algeria<\/p>\n
If there is a repeat of this behaviour<\/p>\n
I am writing this poem<\/p>\n
(I suppose it is a poem but it is hardly Keats)<\/p>\n
On my last sheet of paper<\/p>\n
My biro is running dry<\/p>\n
So it is likely that you will not hear from me again<\/p>\n
Which will not be a bad thing<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have a kindle which was a birthday gift But it no longer works I have been told that the battery is dead Although I have charged it many times Nothing happens My partner has left me in our flat With a grey sleeping bag and a toy robot Which lights up and exterminates invisible […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4287"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4287"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4287\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}