I dreamt that I was on a bus pissing on my seat<\/p>\n
My fellow passengers were horrified<\/p>\n
And a woman called me a madman<\/p>\n
But the bus driver was sympathetic<\/p>\n
And said that everybody dreams<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I was chasing a chicken around an empty swimming pool<\/p>\n
But could not catch it without a net<\/p>\n
A famous Argentinian movie star had drowned in the pool in 1981<\/p>\n
And it was drained soon after out of respect for her life<\/p>\n
Chickens have no concept of death or respect<\/p>\n
So I have made it my duty to educate them<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I was trapped at a snowbound railway station<\/p>\n
With my married cousin<\/p>\n
The station was at the end of the world<\/p>\n
And was used to transport prisoners<\/p>\n
My cousin is very attractive<\/p>\n
But I have to take the word of others<\/p>\n
As I am completely blind<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At the age of twenty-three Christina’s mother was assassinated<\/p>\n
After giving birth to me<\/p>\n
I was brought up by a childless military couple<\/p>\n
Who were kind and generous people<\/p>\n
My father and mother died within a year of each other<\/p>\n
And I inherited my fathers gun collection<\/p>\n
As well as his considerable house<\/p>\n
I met Christina at university<\/p>\n
And we were married two years later<\/p>\n
Since 1990 we have been killing the people<\/p>\n
Who were responsible for the assassinations<\/p>\n
Christina traps these pathetic dribbling old men<\/p>\n
And I kill them by shooting them in both eyes<\/p>\n
Recently we have saved enough cash to give Christina’s mother<\/p>\n
A Christian burial in a grave yard near the sea<\/p>\n
It is due to take place next week<\/p>\n
Although neither of us know where she was originally buried<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I dreamt that I was on a bus pissing on my seat My fellow passengers were horrified And a woman called me a madman But the bus driver was sympathetic And said that everybody dreams I was chasing a chicken around an empty swimming pool But could not catch it without a net A […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4558"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4558"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4558\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}