{"id":4710,"date":"2020-10-14T16:21:46","date_gmt":"2020-10-14T15:21:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartpoetry.art\/?p=4710"},"modified":"2020-10-14T16:36:11","modified_gmt":"2020-10-14T15:36:11","slug":"england-my-england","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2020\/10\/14\/england-my-england\/","title":{"rendered":"England My England"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
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I was born as they say with a silver spoon in mouth but my parents were remote and I was packed off to school in my early years<\/div>\n
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The schools I attended were on the whole quite fine and although I was exposed to wicked pursuits I never weakened and certainly did not participate in what I considered a rather shameful and weak minded recreation<\/div>\n
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From an early age I knew that I liked women and have had three serious relationships<\/div>\n
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The first obviously is with my wife Marion which although loving seems much cooler now as we are unconsciously dividing and heading towards the silent crossroads ahead<\/div>\n
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I know that we will be together until our final days but by then our roads will be quite distant<\/div>\n
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This saddens me but I keep this sorrow locked in an empty suitcase which has seen better days<\/div>\n
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My second love only lasted a summer in the years before I met Marion<\/div>\n
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Effie was the most liberated woman I had ever met and although we never actually made love we spent many erotic afternoons together<\/div>\n
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Sometimes whilst travelling or during the lazy summer days at Bladesover<\/div>\n
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I wanted Effie to be mine but I knew that I would never possess her as one can never successfully catch mayflies without extinguishing their lives<\/div>\n
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Effie became a missionary in her later years which surprised me greatly but I suppose she wanted order in her chaotic life<\/div>\n
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Beatrice Normandy was the daughter of a neighbouring landowner who I knew from my earliest years<\/div>\n
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We grew up with each other and I supposed that we would in turn marry when our age allowed but on each occasion that I grew close to her she would cast me aside and disappear from my life<\/div>\n
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She would later return and would continue from where we had left off until she vanished again<\/div>\n
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I considered Beatrice a\u00a0belle dame sans merci<\/i>\u00a0and she was aware of this fact and tortured me greatly with her soft seductions for her singular satisfaction and nothing else<\/div>\n
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When I married Marion I deliberately broke off contact with Beatrice and we have not spoken to each other since then<\/div>\n
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I have often wondered why she had not contacted me but as of yet have to find an answer that satisfies me<\/div>\n
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My father died a number of years ago and my mother last year and as I was the only child I inherited everything and although I am nothing like my father I have continued his business successfully<\/div>\n
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In these years of change I have ensured that all those around me have been treated fairly and with compassion<\/div>\n
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This had made me very popular but in the depths of my soul I feel a fraud<\/div>\n
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I have a painting of St Francis in my study and often look into his eyes for guidance but I am never directed<\/div>\n
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It is as if God does not exist<\/div>\n
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Bladesover is high on the Kentish Downs and offers a clue to all England<\/div>\n
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It was built in 1688 and has changed little since then as there have been no revolutions or abandonments of thought of the fine gentry since those early days<\/div>\n
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The gentry of the past years may have faded being replaced by businessmen such as myself but houses such as Bladesover have on the whole retained their shape<\/div>\n
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If the ghosts of my family were to return they would without caution be able to recognise my house<\/div>\n
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They would congratulate me but would be not be wise to the fact that for the last ten years that I have been a cocaine user<\/div>\n
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It is a habit that although hidden even from Marion will finally destroy me and because of this Bladesover will fade as we are by Gods choice childless<\/div>\n
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I have often wondered what impressed me to take this self-destructive journey and believe deep down that it was due to the ghosts of my emotional life<\/div>\n
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I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but of late this has become quite tarnished and will in the coming years inhibit my reflection<\/div>\n
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Until the day comes when you cannot see me at all<\/div>\n
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I was born as they say with a silver spoon in mouth but my parents were remote and I was packed off to school in my early years The schools I attended were on the whole quite fine and although I was exposed to wicked pursuits I never weakened and certainly did not participate in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4710"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4710"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4710\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}