Alice<\/p>\n
I was due to attend a football match but there had been heavy rain so I decided to cycle to the ground to see if the game was on so you can imagine my surprise when I was met at the gate by identical triplets who were all wearing identical blue polka dot bikinis<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
When I reached the pitch it was totally shattered with huge expanses of water filling what appeared to be large shell holes<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
Yet the war had been over for seventy-five years<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
To my surprise I was told that the game was on and I was handed a white polka-dot bikini<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I changed in front of the identical triplets who took a great interest in my appendix scar and my rainbow coloured pubic hair<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
The triplets asked to join them at the gate as they had never met anybody who had experienced a burst appendix and as a result suffered from multi coloured body hair<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
There are many small boats on the football pitch as well as six London buses in both penalty areas<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
These boats and floats were covered by people celebrating The Festival of the Sea<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
But this football ground is inland and was 123 miles from the sea<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
A gentleman from Alice Springs then came up to me and said that there would be a pitch inspection at 15.00 hours<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I took my leave from the identical triplets and walked towards the main stand which was sponsored by a software company based in the Philippines<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
It was then that I noticed the stunning sea views which stretched towards the golden peninsular in the distance<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I felt angry as I had been lied to all my life by my elders<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
The appendix operation had been a sham and the distinct colouring of my body hair could have been avoided<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I no longer considered myself a freak whose solitary pleasure was football<\/p>\n
Alice
\nThe triplets had liberated me and I was now a golden girl who had been born by the sea<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
I was sitting at the top of a large set of steps that lead down a rocky shore<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
I counted the steps there were 496 steps I had not encountered so many steps before<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
The club house was behind me and was painted in the teams colours of blue and white<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I found a tattoo on my shoulder that informed me that the Western Chin Dynasty had existed between 265 and 316<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I felt annoyed as I have no interest in history<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
I returned to the club house as I wanted to purchase a programme for the match as well as one for the previous game which I had missed due to appendicitis<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
Appendicitis is more common in men I felt angry that I had been lied to<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
As I sat in the club house reading my programme I noticed a beautiful woman in a white bikini passing by<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
She was heading towards the steep steps<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
I rushed after her as I had already counted the steps<\/p>\n
Alice<\/p>\n
I have never suffered from appendicitis<\/p>\n
Phillip<\/p>\n
The woman immediately asked me to marry her as her appendix was clear and her body hair had returned to its normal colour<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Alice I was due to attend a football match but there had been heavy rain so I decided to cycle to the ground to see if the game was on so you can imagine my surprise when I was met at the gate by identical triplets who were all wearing identical blue polka dot bikinis […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4931"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4931"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4931\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}